Here's Your Help

here's your help
standing right in front of me
reaching out a hand to hold
to scold and to offer
offer everything to give
with one life to live
there's no room to see
what people could be
what you are now
is enough for me
don't try to be more
I want to see your core
everything inside of you
show me
with pride
put your anguish beside
just let it all slide
and come as you are.

In My Other Life

In my other life
I know what i was
In my past life
I didn't last
Interigated and questioned
then burned at the stake
all while i am awake
pointed and laughed at
condemned and guilty
or so they said
led me to my death
see me
as weak as can be
my opinions
good thoughts put to waste
the truth and sabotage
a taste of the world
led me to believe
that i was free
when in fact
that was the one thing i lacked
with my beliefs backed away
with just one thing left to say...

Start Your Engine

you think you are
i wish you could see
you mean so much to me
as a sister
a relative
maybe even a best friend
please don't make this the end
you've come so far
there is a streak of light in your future
just give up the weak parts
i know you will last
forget and move on from your horrible past
doesn't have to be fast
your friends are here waiting for you
they are the one thing that will last
deep down in your heart you know
your not those horrible things
people around you say you show
stick it out
what you have are only knick's
we all have those too.
so give it a good kick
start your engine
and open your heart
to a new kind of question.
this is a brand new start.

I Am

I am the red and blue lights in my rearview mirror,
I am the shattered glass that cuts deep,
Not just physically, but to the core.
I am the broken mirror from, once again, slamming the door.

I am a wilted flower; a misfit – in your perfect garden,
I am an over-stayed welcome where I thought I’d forever belong.
I am the middle child, the screw up, the one who is always questioned.
I am everything you never wanted,
I am the mistake that screwed up your beautiful painting.
I am the unfulfillment in your fulfilled household,
I am a wrong turn,
I am every chance that is blown.
I am the broken promises, so thoughtlessly spoken,
the ones that hurt so bad; the ones that leave me cut wide open.

I am the tears falling from my blue eyes,
releasing all the pain within.
I am guilty of a terrible crime,
Being this bad of a daughter is an appalling sin.
I am the failure that is always reaching for success, but never quite gets there.
I am the apology unaccepted,
I am the impossible, given up on, prayer.

I am every scraped knee, every broken heart,
I am the reason my family has fallen apart.
I am a flame, burned out of my light,
I am the back against the wall, tired of all these fights.

I am the tear stained paper that I am writing on,
It’s my only escape, my only control,
I am the shiny object that dwells deep in my past,
Taunting and teasing, “come back to me, I made you whole”.
I am the chance to give in,
but I stand strong and won’t let my past win.
I am the fake smiles, the fake laughs, and not to mention the false love,
I am all the answers that I need from above.
I am the disappointment that's as thick as honey in your eyes,
I am the unseen tears, the unheard cries.

I am what I am,
and I don’t see why you don’t understand.

6 Outstanding Love Songs.

1. Drawing Curtians.................................(Buck 65)
2. Cafe Girl................................................(Sage Francis)
3. You're Pretty Good Looking..............(The White Stripes)
4. All There Is To Say About Love........(Bike For Three!)
5. Heartsprings.........................................(Heiruspecs)
6. Phil.........................................................(Buck 65 [again])


~Something different for once. i think i have a musical crush on Buck 65...

Love,
Digress.

Dancing Softly In The Dark.

there's so much love to go around
taking shallow breaths as not to make a sound
quietly loving and quickly inducting
never abducting, unless it was my heart
taken from the start
by her, the hunter in the dark
senses keen and kills set so clean
hiding in the bushes, back behind the scene
i think she's been walking in my dreams
and i don't mind it no matter how obscene

love letters set in stone
the tablet was chiseled from foam
love letters that were so outspoken
the tablet that was so well known
love letters set in stone

i'm waiting for something tangible
because i need to let the words out of my skull
something so delectable, i could eat an entire barrel
not too vulgar because i like to watch my language around the female
she's got broken hearts that number up to a hefty sum
my arms outstretched i'd hold her together when she felt the need to run
i'd like to give her gifts in french so she could fell penance
and all the bad things would be left in remembrance

love letters set in stone
the tablet was chiseled from foam
love letters that were so outspoken
the tablet that was so well known
love letters set in stone

i'd dance all night to the heart beat she produces
wouldn't rest my feet, i'd just take off my shoes
sit on the couch and watch the sun rise with the clues
of another day we can get to know the pairs of twos
learn the ins and outs -- the don'ts and dos
so as not to leave a painfull bruise puddling up the nasty fluids
no i don't want the pain, on either person's brain

love letters set in stone
the tablet was chiseled from foam
love letters that were so outspoken
the tablet that was so well known
love letters set in stone

its the only way, we can possibly try to keep sane
living every day, with accomplishments to claim

love letters set in stone
the tablet was chiseled from foam
love letters that were so outspoken
the tablet that was so well known
love letters set in stone

~ short versus... are don'ts and dos posessive in this case?

Love,
Digress.

One little step

Recently, I started to realize that there is something more in life. And you can call it gods will, or call it evolution, but I know it’s just better not to question it. Some people can live in the moment, they look happy. The kids who are always kissing, always just a little too far gone, and a little to loud. They are happy looking forward just as far as next weekend. Then there are the kids that look a little be sadder, a bit quieter, and aren’t as concerned with being the center of the party. I think that these kids aren’t the losers, the shy guys, or the people with personality flaws. No, these are the kids that are starting to get it. Starting to realize that on some small planet in the middle of a galaxy sized nowhere, we are alive. And they can’t quite figure out why we can’t find anything else alive anywhere, or why it’s so important to look, but we do. You hear someone and you know which type of person they are. And don’t get me wrong, neither is bad. They are both learning what it is to be alive, in their own way. And as much as I feel like the grass would be greener living in the moment, I cant help but be excited at the fact that I’m about to find something. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like one more little step and ill get it. I have heard people who have found it. And I’m a little bit jealous.

a feeling i can only write

If I had a thousand million wishes
they would be wasted on you
If I could dance my last dance
how long would I have to search for you
If you stole my last breath
I'd only wish I could give you another
If we quit this whole thing together
would you be the first to walk
...God I wish I could cry in front of you

Not-So-Accidentally Distracted

I'm thinking of you while I should be working,
but I seem to be having a bit of trouble focusing.
I can't get your words out of my head,
so truthfully written, so truthfully said.
I barely know you,
but I know that you care,
that counts for something right?
It has to...
You've shown that you care
and I want to get to know you.
I know that my past is full of
not-so-little mistakes,
and that my response may have been a little too late.
But don't walk away,
You said you could see behind my eyes,
behind my skin,
behind the lies that are buried within.
So here I am,
I'm opening up,
I'm giving you a chance.
I want you to be the one who will lift me up,
and will maybe hold my hand.
But, please,
I ask of you one thing;
just walk away,
if you plan on hurting me.
If you don't,
then please,
continue pursuing.
*EXCUSE ME*
Huh?
Oh great,
a customer....
back to work I must go,
I got distracted by you
and I'm sure that in my eyes it shows.
Walking past the doors,
looking out into the pouring rain,
I quietly whisper,
"I wonder if he feels the same"...

The time traveling construction worker

These tears breed happiness, time waits, so scandals. Holding on till it can handle us. Waiting to break us down, when we forget it’s endless. To often we leave it to fate, let our minds debate while the moment hesitates to wait and it becomes to late. You see, we can’t change the past. It’s locked behind a mirror, triple pain glass. And if we let it, it guides our mast to unknown shores where happiness can’t last. With one broken day that memory becomes a stain that won’t scrub away. And that’s the price we pay while we fail to realize that we shaped it that way. There is no time traveling construction worker, no searcher, no memory lurker, trained to make days shorter and pains blurrier. No white out bleach, memory sucking leach, or wall that can be breached to a place of peace. There is only this time around, what happens here and now, and how loud we let the echoes of pain sound as they leave our world, straight into the ground.

Hold up, stick your nose up.........

We Could Breathe

lungs inhaling simultaneously, blood vessels cumbusting spontaneously
drawn together by words of glory, love letters written in the early morning
there was two million ways to recognize the messages on her face
he could read them with the fingertip he used to graze
flying above the turmoil from here to there and every place
dive right in and don't look back, no time to drown agony confide to the case
dial in the combination looking for signs of evaporation, nothing gone without a trace

brief case
sitting on my bed
filling it with clothing made of led
weighing down plans that fled
my brief case

no time to spare, enough time to straighten out the square
ninety degree arrows pointing out that buyer beware
we worked like a dinosaur and collected dust like mop hair
labor intensive, we can pick up this tile, and destroy the bile
love was never out of style, especially because we took it mile by mile
behind eyes are the hidden lives, within our hearts are the fire starting files
between the two of us we keep them tucked away, until the things get to making us smile
end to end we can bridge our smiles and break down the words of pretend

brief case
sitting on my bed
filling it with clothing made of led
weighing down plans that fled
my brief case

papers and pens stay quiet like library friends
keeping things together like an organized mercedes benz
scared to make amends but we can rise above these anger pains
we walk together and walk away from the taints
laugh at past times when we looked, eyes open for saints, but we still broke the chains
took pictures out of frames to express how much the outside tries to constrain
within a matter of weeks we exploded into a fire nobody could try to maintain
fire departments left it to burn itself away, but wild fire is never tame

brief case
sitting on my bed
filling it with clothing made of led
weighing down plans that fled
my brief case

if we only knew a little more, breathing could settle this score
love was a thing that lay between two lungs in the rib cage scene
if we only got close, we could breath.
if we only got close.

we could breathe

brief case
sitting on my bed
filling it with clothing made of led
weighing down plans that fled
my brief case

~Misguided Mistakes Mismatch and don't matter that much.

Love,
Digress.

P.S. Everybody go check out Bike For Three! (inspired this) www.myspace.com/bikeforthree
Buck65 on vocals
Greetings From Tuscan on turntables.

A Face With A Name - Reply

You’re pretty good looking as well.
yes, you are right, I’ve had my share of crooked times
and I’ve been though what seemed like hell.
I need all the void cleared out of my life,
though, believe me, that could take a while.
Yeah, you’re just another boy,
or another hero, or whatever you wanna call it.
And yes I am hesitant,
but only because of my past regrets.
So many times before that didn’t end well,
And those times only caused my heart to turn cold, as hard as lead.
For me: the package you sent,
I got it, I caught it, and read it.
We met yesterday – of the day you wrote your message,
Now it’s been what?
A week? A week and a half? Maybe two?
The message you wrote is my inspiration for this,
I love to write, so you could call it a passionate flame,
But I guess, for me as well, inspiration is really to blame.
You witnessed the candid presentation,
with no real-life information,
yet you were curious, eager, and concerned.
My writing comes from deep inside -
how I feel about all of my experiences.
Not many people can see
behind my eyes, behind my skin,
behind the lies that are buried within.
You saw my dedication,
And my truthful inside cry,
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, which is never a good thing,
But I was thinking that
I might-maybe-may-
give this a try.
So Hi, it’s good to meet you too,
You told me that I’m talented......
Right back at you.

Wow

Hey I figured it out all by myself!!!

Sacred Scared Beauty.

the woods swallow me
whole
i'm lost in its gigantic
carpet
the floor of this sarcophagus

a bad idea i
think
darker and darker as i
approach
the hallow tree stumps

in the mist and piercing
needles
something so odd seems to be
salvation
an ax lays in my path

my eyes pick up the
tool
with each swing
i cut
..........CHOP
......................CHOP
..................................CHOP

breaking the silence seems like a
crime
nature has a tendency to be
voyeuristic
the animals watch and wait as i

..........CHOP
......................CHOP
..................................CHOP
chopping into the
night.


~the woods have always scared me at night. but mystified me with its beauty.

Love,
Digress.

Complicated Simplicity

Tonight, I was vulnerable.
I let loose and cried.
Hours and hours had gone by and still
the tears just kept trickling down my swollen, red cheeks.
Drained physically, mentally, and emotionally,
my body was tired and weak.
Shaking uncontrollably, blinded by my tears,
I was quickly losing control,
and started becoming more upset.
Spilling out my heart,
though there were things I wish I hadn’t said.
Telling my best kept secret
of how life was at home,
saying that it’s no longer the same,
and that I’m practically on my own.
My welcome is over-stayed;
it’s clearer now than ever before,
The fights,
the screaming,
the yelling,
and “I hate you’s”
now happening more and more.
Always ending the same,
with me crying,
leaned up against the wall,
the tears, full of pain, begin to grow heavy
and down to my knees I fall.
Banging my fist on the floor as hard as I can,
I need answers now more than ever.
I need answers to everything,
especially why, from my family, I am being severed.
How can they not see
how their words are affecting me?
Do they have any idea that I cry a lot,
mostly now because of them?
Crying myself to sleep at night,
for I know the clear message that’s been given.
The message has been sent,
so congrats,
you succeeded,
you made it clear as daylight
that I’m no longer needed.
Through my tears and my sobs
I hear everyone telling me to simply just ignore,
but its complicated simplicity,
because, you see,
my heart has already been torn.
Promises were broken,
promises that meant so much to me.
Promises are better left unsaid,
because there’s no room for disappointment,
no room for “broken” to ever be.
Time moves on,
and it grows into the late night,
still the tears are cascading,
as I sit in this room with one light.
Tears staining this paper on which I’m writing,
it seems to be my only control,
my only way of fighting.
Tonight I was exposed,
my feelings were clearly expressed,
and I thought that by doing so,
the number of tears I cried would be less.
They have only increased,
and stopping them – I am not capable…
Tonight, I was.........
I am.............vulnerable.

Love letters not yet in fashion

Your hand in mine, I wish more of the time.
Fearful kisses, not yet remissive
Not yet leaving cherry pink lips’s
Fleeting memories, and contemplating amenities
My only home sickness remedy

My rhymes not yet put into action,
Brain waves move up the spine, giving way to chemical reaction
A new brand of attraction, pulling down the veil of passion
Love letters not yet in fashion

My days are nothing but these long nights
Playing the same track that feel right
Prayers for sleep, prayers for answers
But I don’t find either, not tonight
No not tonight

Scared; I can say I never cared
Scared I can say I never cared

Swell Is The Ocean.

The ocean Swells
Dwindling on the coast
Then returning to its gigantic...

..mystery.


the ocean...
........................................................killed somebody


the ocean...
........................................................was looking sooo



.. lovely.



~The Deadliest Catch in my future. prepare for departure.

Love,
Digress.

Accidentally Inspired

Words flow so easily, beautifully, so effortlessly, but not this time. My thoughts can't seem to be finalized through paper and ink - one thing will come out, followed by a few million more, it's a jumbled mess of frustration. It's all so clearly written inside of my head, but it all fades together when I pick up my pen. I keep trying, but nothing comes out right; out goes that page - crumpled up and thrown past the foot of my bed out of sight. The pile grows, as does my frustration, anger, my wanting to write something good - something clear. Stars begin to fade and the sight of morning is growing near, I glance over at my huge pile of failure, or is it so much more than that? Words that clashed, words that wouldn't come out right, so they were smashed. There must be a thousand failing words in that pile - maybe more considering the heighth of the pile - ok - there's a thousand failing words...times ten. Maybe that pile isn't failure. After all, it is the reason why I'm writing these words now. I guess it was just a thousand - times ten - words that didn't work, that accidentally inspired me.

And I Walked Away.

i remember sittin in the front row
but feelin in the back
like i was gonna be opener to the show
i gave you what you needed for your plaque
and i stepped up when i had to go
rappin to your heads and you asked why i wasn't black
its a color spectrum you've known
to me it seems like you're ignorance is an attack
you couldn't even hold the words down
its gotta come up and tell me what you wanna smack
with your perceptions when you're in the now
a self improved sense of intelligence is in your sack
you're building it up like you know what's hot in town
i told you i'm not the emperor who struck back
i'm just the man who was all about his sound
and you know it, that's why i'm bound to play a track
so you can hear the vibes that taught you to pound
why do you think that you're so great when you pack?
steel only shows how little you trust yourself as a noun
i've got something to say, it has something to do with rap
its got to do with how your sharp mind became round
but it was a worthless fight, you were caught up in the click clack
burying the portrayal has left you with a dirt mound

but you didn't know the history you buried there
it came back to bite you in the rear.

~what was that, that you did say? that you did say, that you did say, that you did say. run away. its po-et-tray.

Love,
Digress.

Chancing His Hypocrisy

This time is different.
I can feel it, I can see it in your eyes.
The truth is there,
You're different than any other guy.
I've finally got it right -
It's not going to be the same.
At last, a guy who doesn't just wanna play games.
Though it could be perfect,
there's one thing in the way,
something in which I have no say.
He doesn't want to meet you,
he won't even give you a chance,
this situation he refuses to second glance.
How fair is that?
Making assumptions before he's even seen you?
Taking away my senior prom...
What's next?
Is he going to take away my wedding too?
He's always taught me to give people a chance,
like when I'm mad at him,
to try to talk to him,
and that he'd always understand.
I've tried this method,
but he just ignores
all the hypocrisy he's taken part in.
He won't listen to a word I try to say,
he won't take any of it,
No matter what I say,
he just tells me to "shut it".
But I have learned to stay strong,
and to not give up,
I'm gonna take my chances,
and cross my fingers for luck.
He can't take away how I feel about you,
or what's been sparked between us,
For once it's going to work,
I won't give in,
and all he can do is sit
on the sidelines and fuss,
And on his face
will be an upside down grin...

finger on

save me from myself.
i am drowing in my self doubt,
my pitty.
sitting in this room,
ready to blow,
its not just frustration,
im scared.
i am weak,
there i said it.
IM WEAK.
ive been here before.
this state of mind.
this small time frame.
tears graze my face,
my veins pulsate,
my blood boiling,
smoke,
almost,
coming out of my ears.
just let it blow by.
nothing worth getting pissed about.
life--
too short for
worthless sh**.
confession:
help me,
im weak,
i cant control it.
im scared,
a nervous wreck.

I hate it, but its something

Let me know of any glaring spelling errors

I’m scared. Scared that this pen will run out of ink before my brain runs out of thought. Scared that I may let friendship fall away because I gave up. Scared that I will wake up in a few years, and not be happy with my life. Scared that I may have just let you slip through my hands because I was scared. And the only thing that scares me more than these things is the fear that my fears may grow.
You see, we live in fear. It’s how we are brought up. The monster under the bed, the bully in the school yard, and the last step on the escalator. We are born to fear what we don’t know, or can not explain; and this fear follows us always.
We can never get rid of it, but we have hope, because once in a while, if only for an hour, a minute, or a second, we can escape it.
We can run till the stars are brighter than the city lights. We can lose ourselves with our heads out the window, and the wind in our hair. We can put our ipods on shuffle, even though we only want to hear one song, because we do have all night, and I wouldn’t mind a few good songs along the way. We can look at the stars for hours, because if you look long enough, they will tell you a story. We can hold a beautiful girl in our arms as the cramp up, and go numb, and not say a word because she means the world.
There are no opportunities. There is only fear and no fear, and it is what we do when life offers us no fear, when we lose ourselves in emotion, that shapes our character. I find that if you sit around waiting for an opportunity to present itself you may wait a long time, but if you strive to live everyday fearlessly then opportunities don’t just come and go, but they happen constantly.

My Ballad - Silenced Words

Walking down the hall
In flawless, perfect beauty.
Dark secrets, deep fears,
Vulnerable souls,
Unshown tears.
~ Chorus ~
World's crashing all around you,
No one knew your pain.
Thrown about so carelessly,
My efforts seemed in vain.
Broken up phone calls,
Shouting in the rain.
You are gone forever,
Leaving me with this horrible pain.
~
Months of what seemed like romance,
and happiness at last.
All the pain and sorrow,
and bad times; in the past.
Curfews, rules, and nights I worked,
You always said they were fine,
But now you say they're not,
and the fault is all mine.
~ Chorus ~
Favorite songs, and favorite things,
Don't mean so much; suddenly.
Tossed aside, with no thought at all,
No more happiness,
You just wanted me to go.
Tears of all sorts
started falling more and more,
Fearful pain,
sad confusion,
but these feelings wouldn't show.
~ Chorus ~
I had enough,
We were through.
Three days later,
I get a call from you.
The weather outside resembles my mind,
Storming and quite hazy,
could this be a sign?
~ Chorus ~
Sopping wet,
Rocks through the window,
Shattered glass causes me to bleed,
Drifting to your door at an undying speed.
Knocking on the door of hope,
Not knowing what I'd find.
~ Chorus ~
Heaped on the floor,
Eyes are closed.
There is no pulse.
Holding your lifeless body,
I feel helpless.
There's nothing I could do.
I guess you didn't know,
that I still did,
and always would,
love you.

Love was lost,
Somewhere in all this confusion.
Tears turned to glass,
As I knew the words I heard you say
were your last.

Just in Case.

a love? speech to you, but who really are You. are you the one in my head that i think of, dream of when i can't sleep as i crawl into bed, the one i "like" and can't "live with out", or are you the one standing beside me...waiting just wishing i'd leave him behind. that i'd give you a chance to show me what you're all about, maybe just maybe it would all work out. but i can't i wont i'm too safe for that. i don't want to destroy something mediocre just for the possibility of something spectacular. i may send all the right signals, play the right games but deep down inside there's no motive behind. sorry i've hurt you i know that i have. every glance at your face proves just that. all because of me. it kills me inside, regardless what you may think. how could i be so important to you. i dont understand. i'm just a lowly girl who's self centered, annoying, bossy, it goes on for years, but everything i hate you treasure, you jewel. but then i do understand for i find myself occasionally glancing at you. thinking, admiring the same about you. people tell me, confirming again and again you know what he wants, you know its more than friends... well one of these days i might just give in.

Home - A song I just wrote

It’s obvious,
I’ve overstayed my welcome,
I’m sorry that I’m such a nuisance,
And in a few months,
I’ll go.
I’ll be gone,
Who knows if I’ll come back,
If I don’t,
The notice of my absence,
You would lack.
Maybe I’ll never come back,
I’ll never come back home.

But where is home?
What is home?
Who is home?
I no longer know this.
It seems as though I don’t belong,
In what I once called home.
But home could be anywhere,
Home is a place where one is loved,
Where one will fit in,
Home is a feeling of security,
And being surrounded by loved ones constantly.
Where is my home?
What is my home?
Who is my home?

Where is my home?
Where do I belong?


Sensing more hate than love,
Don’t worry,
In a few months you’ll get what you want,
I'll be gone.
The “I can’t believe you” child
will no longer be around,
So you’ll no longer have someone in the family,
That you are ashamed of.
You'll have the perfect family,
That you always dreamed of.
You won’t have me to “deal with” anymore,
I’ll do you a favor,
I won’t come back,
I'll never come back home.

But where is home?
What is home?
Who is home?
I no longer know this.
It seems as though I don’t belong,
In what I once called home.
But home could be anywhere,
Home is a place where one is loved,
Where one will fit in,
Home is a feeling of security,
And being surrounded by loved ones constantly.
Where is my home?
What is my home?
Who is my home?

Where is my home?
Where do I belong?

Where do I belong?
Where do I belong?
I guess it’s on the road,
Because it’s never been home.

A Face With A Name.

you're pretty good looking
i'd love to make the crooked times straight
reach into your life and clear up the void
i know i'm just another boy
i'm just another hero trapped in celluloid
giving you the messages of past regret
explicitly exposing my entire existence i've fed
to the memories of those passed and dead
they're watching over my bed
clearly i'm just protecting my homestead
so hearts must be made of lead
because they're sinking fast and i'm bleeding
for you; a package is sent for receiving
get it, catch it, and read it
i know we only met yesterday
putting faces to names and now its inspiration i must blame
for this petty extravagance of my passionate flame
if i wasn't so dumb i'd sit back and have some fun
can you see that i'm just trying to capture the sun?
i'm not doing so hot, because this week i didn't sleep a lot
messages from other mind states telling me the wrong date
i've got a lot invested in discovering my fate
lately it seems that all that thinking just got in the way
and i just wanted to let you know
when i witnessed the candid presentation
with no real-life information
i was faced with frustration
but now i've seen the face of the inspiration
i can make a direct explanation
it was good to see the dedication
behind the eyes behind the skin
behind the lies that are within
so Hi, its good to meet you
i just wanted to let you know
you're talented, its something you can show.

~Spontaneous expression, Hi, Its nice to meet you.

Love,
Digress.

confessions i only make in here

Blank spaces fill my mind and bleed ink on my paper, creating blotches that are words that speak my heart
My last breath would be spent explaining to you how terribly sorry I am that I was never good enough
Silky soft skin can't take away the ripping, scraping, murder of words that tear like barbed wire going down (being swallowed whole)
Babies and small children and handsome dogs and teddy bear picnics can take away the pain for only so long and then the real world resumes
When communication just isn't an option and understanding takes too much explaining and the way out is staying in the exit is blinking green
Giving all of myself and getting the rest of myself in return reminds me of repeating the past and I'm walking this road alone
Unspoken tears drown me from the inside out and I'm being s l o w l y rejected because I just can't cut it for his perfect boy

Information Man. i want to share.

this appears in the Buddy Wakefield Song "The Information Man" off of his album Run On Anything. (Strange Famous Records 2006)

i can tell you are looking for answers
in the same way i can see aesthetics of our faces (not sure about that one)
so for a taste of your whiskey i'll give you some advice
i'm just F-in' with you
you're not allowed to have alcohol here, man
its a rest area
Listen.
if i didn't have so much of this life all wrong, would have gotten it right by now, i talk a whole bunch but i really only know a few things, so i'm not saying to follow along verbatim, i'll just tell you the things i tell myself, the things I KNOW and you can see what sticks, i know our shoes was stitched from songs about... HIGHWAYS! the best songs are the ones about Georgia, even though i never been there, its the only place i still believe in Jesus, i know that no matter what it is you believe in, you've got to spare yourself the futility of making fun of God, because that guy haven't even talked. EVER! i know troubleshooting yourself in the foot and acting as your own universe is a tricky dichotomy for you to deal with, but yes. You are the center of the universe, if you weren't you wouldn't be here. so as the middle of space and everything floating in it, it is your job, to know that the emptiness is just emptiness, the stars are stars, and the flying rocks HURT! so please, stop inviting walls into WIDE OPEN SPACES. i know everything is out there, that's why they call it everything. i know there are times when you go to lay your head to rest and have a moment of brilliance that will grow into a perfect order of words. but you will fall asleep instead of painting it down on paper, and when you wake up you will have forgotten the idea completely and miss it like a front tooth, but at least you know how to recognize moments of brilliance, because even at your worst, you are F-in' incredible, it comes honest. so return to yourself, even if you are already there, because no matter where you go, or how hard you try, or what you do, the only person you're ever gonna get to be, and i know it-- thank god-- is YOU!

~I am, the Non-Professor. I'm also the Non-Plagiarist. i am off the bus.

Love,
Digress.

featuring the Buddy Wakefield experience.

doing something i thought was done

To right a wrong is a difficult thing, it requires humility and lowliness and sometimes pain is all it can bring. But see, I know I've done you wrong and I want to tell you this...that you and your you-ness is something I will forever miss. I know the way it all ended, with it all crashing down around us is entirely my fault, and somehow I expected that you might never quite heal as a terrible result. But now I see that you've moved on and it brings me mixed emotions. I'm proud of you that you give new things your complete devotion, and I see now that you're a bigger person than I expected this would let you be. But no matter how hard I try to let go and go on, there's a tugging deep inside that tells me maybe it's my turn to cry. Maybe now that you're okay I can tell you this game I play is the only way I hold on and stop myself from admitting that when we parted ways, something inside me decided to die. SO...I want to apologize with all the sincerity of my heart - the way I hurt you is something I can't take back and I won't lie and tell you I did it on accident...but looking back now I see that you gave me more of yourself than I realized and I'm sorry for each and every way that I let you down and broke your heart. Maybe now it's my turn to start learning how to move on. I'm sorry...

God? Oh, There You Are!!!

Something Bigger
Something Higher
Someone I can turn to
But i can't touch
and i can't see
how can this be?
mental images
and nights spent crying
always bent
the unknown repent
but are you there?
Hello? Do you even care?
HA! Dare I ask?
my pass -straight below-
its where i ought to go
but where might that be
how low
i cannot go
its only 6 feet under.

What Is A Friend?

Friend or Foe?
Who would know?
they come and go
so could you?
would you?
If you had the chance
the green eyed monster
the biggest blast
can't you see
what it means to me
promise
words
thoughts
prayers
hope
how do i cope?
the thought
~the fact~
that your not there.