the pianist

This is the building I call home
yet no bed occupies the space
I see no pictures of babies or siblings or pets
there's no trace of me here...

In this great wide expanse of earth and learning and people
I feel lost
I feel squashed
I am small

Yet in this single structure I am
alive
whole
....calm

A spirit of greatness is ever present
and I feel it penetrate my soul
as I play

I am a musician, an artist, a magician

the notes sing (words you and I don't know)
the sound is rich
the plink plink of the notes heals my pain
and I

......find peace

Bright Eyes, And A Beautiful Soul.

eyes bright- she undresses
her soul, right there
before my eyes
i [hissss- buzzzzz]
am attracted
i [hissss- buzzzzz]
fall victim of her beauty
and i [hisssss- buzzzzz]
connect with her lips

i feel the [hissss
...................... buzzzzz]
of our electric connectivity
and our analogue attraction
jokes, stories and experience
not to mention the desire of.......

for her a million kisses couldn't
quite capture how much
i [hisssss- buzzzzz] care
for her
nor could they replace me
when i'm [a
.................way] for weeks at a time
[ticktocktick tock tick.....tock]
time counts down until the next
...................................................Kiss....................................

PPPHHMMMMMAAAAAUUUUUHHHHHHHHH!


~Will you remember the days, placed in nooks, and laying on beds? while the music still plays.


Love,
Digress.

Looking for puddles

He looks at it, planning it, forecasting it.
He bites down hard on his lip, staring and glaring at it.
But I don’t look at it like he does. I look at it and smile and giggle a little
I look at you and ask you how beautiful it is, and see you smile.
We would both take off our coats,
that makes us the same,
But he would hand you his, put it over your shoulders, and rush you to his car
Pulling you out of the way of puddles.
He’ll tell you to hurry into your house,
And get out of it,
He’ll tell you it’s bad, it’s a bad night.
I wouldn’t hand you my coat,
unless you asked for it.
I would drop it on my porch, and walk you to the street.
Then I would smile at you, and tell you that you were right
It is beautiful.
And then I would race you home, letting you splash me with all the big puddles
(even if I see them first).
And maybe then I would stand with you in your front yard,
And tell you how beautiful you are.
And maybe then you won’t want to go into your house,
You won’t want to get out of it.
And maybe you’ll tell me that it’s a good night
It’s the best night.

Minor Scrapes and Brusies

i wake up in this hospital bed
white lights flashing, i can't grip my head
things swivel and fade out of sight
i don't know if this is day or night
i'm chained down with stress written on my face
what is this place? or is this a phase?
doctors rush in and attempt to control my sense
its not gonna work, the injuries are too intense
blood shoots from here to there, but no pain felt
i'm doped up with drugs that keep me from hell
i fade back to black, creating a prison cell

i can't believe i'm right here
injured but still able to think clear
i can't believe i'm still here
injured but able to feel the fear
i can't believe that you're here
injured but you survived

back on the road to life
i'm heading away with my girl in the seat
she's got her mind on the heat
miles more to go, and we can get off the street
out the car and we can feel our hearts beat
the traffic clears and i push the pedal down
i feel like we're traveling faster than sound
it starts to rain so i slow up, as not to drown
she seems relieved by the looks of things
downhill we go right toward our dreams

i can't believe i'm right here
injured but still able to think clear
i can't believe i'm still here
injured but able to feel the fear
i can't believe that you're here
injured but you survived

crashes and screams surround my nightmare themes
all around, no escape, i can't move nor wake
finally i pull up the courage to escape
eyes open and lock on hers as she begins to shake
gets up and walks away from the incident
i'm on pavement red with blood and an unusual tint
me and shattered glass go looking for my consequence
paramedics scrape me up and put me in the ambulance
faces fade to black and i'm in a state worse than trance

I just can't believe you survived
i can't believe you'll stay at my side
injured your perfection
you must have been ejected the proper direction
i just can't believe you still love me
can't believe you don't want to flee

~Bravery in certian circumstances.

Love,
Digress.

Looking for something you can feel; something you can hold

As long as everyone is writing about love, this was the first paper i wrote for my creative writing class up at CU.

Love rides a little lopsided, with scratched here and there,
Built up from the wear and tear, when times seemed to tough to bear.
It’s the click and a clack in your heart,
And the slow steady dark, when forgiveness is given to start,
And two souls meet and set a mark.
Love is tested, and chipped and scratched,
But still radiating precision cuts, designed to last.
It’s the taste of too many hands, to many tears,
And the barrier of years, breading those moments of absolutely no fears.
Love is like a motionless memory, and a persevering remedy.
It’s those moments at night when the light is right,
And the cold chill bites, and breathing isn’t right, your chest squeezes tight.
Love is a sigh of relief, when you suck a breath deep
And your nose to your lungs feel the wintergreen heat.
So what is love?
Love is when you aren’t scared to die, cause you’ll never be more alive

Oh and Leyba, i have a sweet creative writing intro to show you next time i come down, or ill email it or something if i can find a scanner

brave

hips grinding and drunken mistakes
it's like a movie with no good outtakes
breathing for the intake and feeling for the heartache
blindly, we all watch for the pagebreak

find a good excuse to pass that bottle
press the gas and 'blip' that throttle
stupid ass decisions, head-on collisions
you do it to yourself

sorry i'm not happy
let me apologize for myself

love is...

and love is this pensive passionate indignant way we convulse in the dark
something to hold dear and talk about our relations when your back did arc
so blindly did you follow, so long were you docile
indoctrinated by the world that you thought would never again revolve
keep the clarity clear and the hallucinations on call
you'll never again be able to feel a feeling like his enveloping arms
wrapping your body with decomposing promises he fed to the charms
they eat with impunity of your indicative nature you produce with alarm
aftermath rises from your broken tears that shatter the sky in revolving times
clock hands shifting slowly while we miss each others broken insanity
lingering here in your shadow of the decisions you made hastily
a whole new comparison for your hopeful interactions with vacancy
will keep me here in my position; a wall away from your divinity
give me one kiss and i'll give two back that's really all i ask


~No give backs. love plays for keeps.

Love,
Digress.

I DIDN'T EVEN WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS

its just the first week and i'm sick of how bad you suck
give me the letters and empty your brain on my stuff
going slowly insane is my only occupation
alone in a room with vestiges of the intimidation
no mental preparation and not a hint of inclination
to meditate or move on my own fate, i'm acting out of state
placed for the first time in a challenging situation
never before have i faced this sort of self-degradation
hate myself for not living myself, and being overcome with information
tell me once more how i can avoid this discouraging sensation

well the wind's at my back but i hold clenched fists
I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS
walking through the visions of the mistakes on my wrists
I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS
well the wind's blowing me down and i'm off your list
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO F****NG KNOW THIS

I want to say thank you to the lovers that i miss
for being there with me through all my life's twists
but not paying enough attention while i clench my fists
grab a razor this ink is the same as cuts lining my wrists
i want to evaporate and never come back again
just because i can't seem to find people who relate to my slain
don't you see this life is full of pain? but they're blind and vain
its been a long time since i've been on the verge of crying
and this life is taking me to that crime
bottled feelings seem to be my soul's protection
it seems like now i'll never find my life's proper direction

well the wind's at my back but i hold clenched fists
I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS
walking through the visions of the mistakes on my wrists
I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS
well the wind's blowing me down and i'm off your list
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO F****NG KNOW THIS

i confide in myself for not loving myself, and live in regret
the kids down the hall seem to love each other willingly
i'm whisky drinking with no support from their calamity
sitting all alone never felt so alone with this death grip of my past
it was the lovers that i wish my apathy could outlast
not again will i be able to look with a straight face
strewn about because right now i can't keep a pace
i've got my own brand new place, bottom of the list
bottom peg, forced on the last shelf, and i start with myself
paranoia and insanity breeding in my northern region hell
i'm burning rubber to get out of here, but i'm going nowhere.
burning rubber to evaporate, but this is my fate.

well the wind's at my back but i hold clenched fists
I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS
walking through the visions of the mistakes on my wrists
I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS
well the wind's blowing me down and i'm off your list
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO F****NG KNOW THIS

~Roughly cut, my prision is...

Love,
Digress.

Setting:
He plays his heart out,
With everything at hand,
He asks him self what this is about,
Its always the same pain,
Magic happens with-in his skin,
Though he has no one to blame,
He l i v e s for his music,
With out that he would die,
His only passion,
Though some aren't his fashion,
He fancy's his voice,
He has no choice,
He plays for me,
As he comes to see,
I know what he really means.
He screams his emotions,
With every living
devotion.
Delievring the effect of life,
The meaning to his past,
And our pleasnt future.
Again he strums,
He drums,
I wink,
With in
one
split
blink.
Reality.

the first days

sitting here in this little room makes me miss colorado
and my mom
and the snow
and a palm trees isn't quite the same as a colorado blue spruce
growing up is one of those things that everyone does
but i feel so alone
it's one of those things that'll pass
but right now
i need familiarity
so i'm coming to a place i know
to feel lonely

Black Branches, Colored Carpets, and Buttprints in the Sand

Memories not wanting to be forgotten
are falling down my face,
followed by relationships
I don’t want to leave behind.
Creating jagged branches of black
that spread across my face
then descend to the floor,
staining the once white carpet.

Who gets white carpet anyways?
It only gets dirty and worn.
Black.
Now that’s more like it.
No need to hide my life stains –
they just blend in.
Maybe blue carpet,
to hide my tears of sadness,
or red to hide the nights of pain;
maybe a fading pink,
from the nights my heart felt so brutally slain.
And green to hide my envy
of who he was with instead of me.
Purple carpet to hide all my restless nights
or all my broken dreams
that might as well have been artificial;
or perhaps carpet the color of an orange rose,
to hide the tears I shed
desiring to be good enough for once.
Colors I wish were there,
so my life stains weren’t visible
for everyone to see.
But I’m stuck with white –
showing all that I’ve gone through -
my jaded innocence.

Grazing my hand across my face,
I smear the black branches
into streaks of uncertainty;
sheets of tears continuing down,
making the streaks of uncertainty
start to droop and deform –
once again re-organizing
into a tangled mess of jagged,
this time broken,
black branches.

I’m back where I started,
no further ahead,
but maybe a little further behind;
tears fearing the unknown
still falling from my eyes.
I’ve got no where to hide them
as they fall gracefully,
discoloring where they land.
I fear where I’m going,
even more that I’m going no where,
and just making buttprints in the sand.

One more party

And its broken hearted industy
Brake lights bleed so invisibly
Stuck inside your tyrany
And all you do is stare at me
Cause im so scared of what we could be
And wish that you could see
Just wish that you could see..

And we tried to fall apart
both broke are hearts
And whenever we start
We fall just off the mark
Twice lost in the dark
Broke unable to start
Still wanting to start

What happens when the song ends
Cause I can see, its to strong to bend
Ran out of all your strength to lend
The pen break again
And we’re both hurt again

i've said it before

just before i say goodbye i wanna say thanks
thanks for watching me grow
and letting me show
a new side of me

thanks for being you,
unafraid to be true,
and showing me that new...
can be beautiful

thanks for seeing me for me
and helping me believe
in who me could be

so many more things to thank you for...
but you know i'm (not?) one for many words
so here i wanna say "thank you"
most sincerely
and goodbye
and i'll miss our 7 o'clock talks

~peace out, b.b.b.b.
from the b.b.e.

heaven

On the counter
A little slice of heaven
Just for me

16 Hours Straight

i don't know if you know
but i've been watching from afar
and i don't really comprehend why you'd do
such a pitiful thing

i don't know if you know
but i've been watching from up close
attempting to deliberate who and what
needs you more

i don't know if you know
but i've been watching from right here
and if you ever try to cross paths
then i'll have to explode with impunity

i don't know if you know
but just the shape of your face
has been driving me insane
we have become enemies

i don't know if you know
but these last twenty four hours
have housed my distrust for you
and i realize once again, you are a rat

i don't know if you know
but there's something i need to tell
you're an ass and you have no class
some think it is, but i don't think its funny

i don't know if you know
but i'm about three inches away
from cutting all ties, friendship and all
beacuse you don't control yourself.

~I assume its natural to get sick of people. but who truely knows what nature is?

Love,
Digress.

Rearrange

I can smell your skin on mine.
I need protection.
Its personal.
Time to grow up Maegan.
Wake up,
Make up,
No more baby steps.
Theres no happy ending
yet
is there.
You're no more playground time.
I need you.
Yet
This has nothing to do with you.
Grow up.
Grow up.
Though im a mear 18,
Cant I be six again?
If there is a tear
drop
under my eye,
(Big girls dont cry).
If there is heart ache in
sight,
(I fake a smile)
It makes me shiver
to
the
bone.
You know
You know
You know
I never
c
r
y.
But baby,
My hearts a virgin
it aint
ever
been tried.

like pages from a book

It was a beautiful crash,
me
into you
all the colors and shattered explosions that erupted
like a volcano, unstoppable and phenomenal
It was indescribable
me
with you
the passionate and insatiable, ever-amplifying
hunger

It's a shame, really...
me
without you,
us
without us
Who knows...maybe you were(are) my prince charming

my [your] baggage

what i wanted to say
you took me all away
with those words
i couldn't read write or breath
you feed me all your lies
beneath the sky
lies the one you knew before.
you left me here
fearing for yourself
the friendship that we have lost
you just tossed it all away
makes me wonder
how much is under
all the baggage
you left with me to stay.


-i have returned.

still not everything i want to say, but it'll do for now

what do you say when your mind is blocked
when the letters won't go
together
to form words that just won't flow
in eachother

how can i long for a person
who was there when i didn't care
how can i miss a place
i came from, ran away from
how can i lose my ability to speak
to you, about you

and me


this isn't a silly infatuation
it's a true emotion
,like a convulsion
of my heart

and now,
i want you to hold me, i want to know if i'm on a one-way street...but i kinda don't care.
because i remember what it's like
to have a best friend
i miss what it's like

I Remember Her

i once fell in love with a girl

i was working at the time
she was ordering
a bowl of something
i don't know
i was cleaning
i locked eyes with her
and i fell in love with her for her brown hair
and gorgeous face
deep eyes that reflected light in perfect
kaleidoscope effects
she looked back at me with the same longing
i wonder if she knows how much she scared me
maybe i scared her back... i don't know
but we caught sideways glances at each other
every once in a while
while she was eating
and i was preparing food
leaving my station to
catch glimpses of her
she was with her family
and hard to approach
tactfully
then
in an instant
she was gone
i wonder what happened to her
who she was
what she was
if she even looked at me with the same longing
i still remember her.

~I don't know what to do with myself.

Love,
Digress.

Hi humans, I'm back in the desk again. I read over 2,000 pages in June and I will exceed that in July. Enough about me. Here are some pics. My original room was HO-rif-fic! I/we now have an apartment.

what comes next

It's easier to let go when you've changed
hurts less, painless, effortless
But I saw you once and you're the same old you
and so these feelings inside got rearranged

We heard that song in the car and we both smiled
cuz what's better than a memory that's been stored away and filed
It's too late to go back and what's the point in moving on
when we don't want to

Screw the rules about cheating
hearts
I hate settling
I won't be complacent I won't be content I won't...
forget about you

Me and you, we go together like one and two
right next to one another
like someone placed us there
said 'that looks good right there'


So we dance this one last number
we hold each other tight
Something about it is forbidden
something wrong about this right


you feel so right

Perhaps it is I who should be asking....

What Now...

I'm lost again
I thought this would mend
But, you see, there's something there
Some part of me with you and you with me

Two years plus one to the day
Yet I remember like yesterday
the way we would play
And now it has been so long since I've seen you smile
Such a long while since that beautiful smile
I saw it again and the world got brighter
I was back where I grew
Back in what I knew

But I should be mad, should I not?
A broken heart is what I got
Words of apology come readily
They fill a tare and your smile begins to ware

It's too easy to forgive and it frustrates me
Can you see I don't know who I want to be?
And you say you miss the view
the reason too
And I miss you
So I'm torn in two
I don't know what to do

You run in my mind as these days get so long
And you're in every song
I play in my head things that used to be
And I'm confused, see, cuz you were never one for complacency
That's not who you used to be

So I sit, again, thinking thoughts to send
All I think is I thought this would mend
And I want to see you again.

A glimpse of the class

How do I start to tell you how you have helped me.
Words seem to stall as I struggle to write what should have been said.
You taught me to use my words and make them flow in a sense more meaningful.
In comparison to others I am a novice.
Yet in my words you have shown me something more.
Both seem to know the ryhme was not meant to be mine but freeverse is a road I traverse.
Saving that life that seemed like an end where only 'Rescue me' was heard
The time came where I didn't want to move past it where I wanted to know the other where all I could do was make a wish and hope to be
500 words seemed surreal until one wrote about writing, writing that could never be conformity, writing that gave me a window and let me breathe in and create a new story out of a series of questions
Not knowing what my human heart was about I failed to see the memoir that had unfolded even after I read it.
Through it all I listened for a change and through it all I learned that the change was mine
That this change was given to me by the one who inspired my words to flow in different ways.
Thanks Leyba.

Love Is Fugacious

you heard me.

FUGACIOUS

~and that was that.

Love,
Digress.

Perfectly Shattered

I know you say the past is the past,
You shouldn’t live in it,
You should live in the moment – not in the battles lost.
But I can’t seem to do that.
Skeletons in my closet are creeping into the present.
Things that I worked so hard to get rid of,
Now foreshadowing my future.
I'm falling - I’m giving into the lure.
They seem to make me feel unintentionally whole,
When in reality – I am so broken.
I’m broken.
I have been for so long.
Still turning to things
that I know aren’t right – they’re wrong.
When it seems like I finally have everything together at last,
My whole world begins to fall down around me – crash.
I turn to the things that once made me whole,
Knowing they can work again – heal my broken soul.
I gave in.
And every time I’m giving in,
It feels like I’m becoming less-broken,
When really,
I’m becoming less-whole.
It’s like a perfect window
when suddenly hit by a rock
First it hits...
Breaks...
It pauses...
Breaks further...
Pauses again...
Then eventually shatters.
So I’m not broken…
I’m shattered.
Everything I turn to is only a pause in my break;
I’m moving two steps back for every step that I take.
Temporary.
Those are the things I turn to.
I know this, yet it’s still what I do.
Trying to make these things permanent
Instead of finding something real –
Something that will never make me fall.
I can’t find it.
I can’t tell the difference between bringing myself up
And breaking myself even further.
I am not whole.
I am shattered.
And if I am shattered
– broken –
- lost -
Then how am I supposed to give a whole heart?
I don’t have a whole heart to give.
I don’t want to be shattered,
I want to be whole,
But that just doesn’t seem to be the plan right now.
I don’t like who I am.
And if I don’t like me – who I am,
If I’m not content with myself,
If I don’t love, much less like, who I am – who I have become,
Then how can I let someone else fall for me,
When I know that I am incapable of loving them back?
Because love for myself I shamefully lack.
I have no heart to give.
I don’t want someone to give me theirs
And expect something in return,
Because I am not capable.
I am not whole
– but I want to be made whole –
I want to be the pieces of shattered glass
Put vigilantly back into place……
Perfection.
No breaks.
No pauses.
Indestructible.
I will no longer be shattered.
Unspoken.

Don't Call

they're melting
not just wilting
but actually melting
and i watch them
Drip
Drip
Drip
right onto my carpet!
i like that carpet!
GOD SAVE THE CARPET!
if there's one thing you do
in your entire life

save the carpet.

when they drip its so sad
they shudder and shake
with a sound of sonic booms
going off like sirens
and shaking my house
shaking my windows
scaring the cat
and i know its all because of her
all due to the fact
that she had to call me up
just to melt my flowers
so i said
goodbye,
grabbed a watering can
and rushed to the melting
beauties that
had just been abused
by her verbal
assult of her own
alleged friends.

~Friends, do they ever truely exist? i believe so, today was a hot day.

Love,
Digress.

Queen Anne's lace

Forty-five and one-half carefully arranged flower petals keep close watch over the happenings of the backyard. There is a pane of glass that keeps it safe from June, and when January comes the children do, too, and with foggy words the mitten fingers write loose and sloppy sentences in unabashed love and wonder. The red head with freckles keeps close tabs from the sidewalk. Sometimes she crosses her fingers and hopes for the best. And that bouquet in the window seems to pine for the sun, its leaves turn heavenly and press against the glass.It's summer, again, halleluj.

In comes that tender hand and fills a pitcher -- twenty-one uneven drops of water miss the mouth and fall into the bottom of the sink, and coalesce in loose formations that look like continents that never were. Giant bodies of water that touch at the tips and wonder how do, and what's new, and how are those lilies? But those words never quite seem to make it; that hand pours that pitcher like April showers over the flowers and sustains them, and twenty-one drops of water slip silently down the drain. And then there's that distance. And then there's that silence, oh, but goddamn for that silence. And turns the world, again, giant continents speeding toward each other with merciless speed, a cosmic collision of tectonic titans, that wonder as they wander how do, and what's new, and how are those lilies?

And then there's forty-six flowers, and gravity tugs a little bit harder and down comes twenty-two uneven drops of water, pooling in the basin and looking upward as the pane fogs up, and here comes those hands, and that girl on the sidewalk -- older already! -- and we'll cross our fingers this time, and you'll look up at heaven, and goddamn for that distance, but we all love you the same.

why can't i just...

I wish this wasn't something I had to feel
I wish from you my heart I could steal
.....back
How bad I want to see you
It hurts to remember the view
from underneath you
(cuz I want....miss...crave it)

I hear you've become someone new
Transformed, different than the guy I knew
but that's something I won't face
I just won't see you that way, it's not right-falling from grace
I shouldn't judge
but you oughtn't change
The you I love...(d) is the you I miss

don't get me wrong, I'm happy here
but losing you...I more than fear
you were a best friend and I can't let it go
I know you know I won't let it show
We grew we laughed we played and cried
I miss you there to guide (me)
I want your friendship
Isn't it funny how the sides do flip

I'm sorry...I wish I could lie some more
but.....I'm your emotional whore

If you are asking for love, than this is as close as I can get

What I wouldn't give for one more try? One more day, a second in time. Just to smell your smile, and your hand in mine. And I thought it was just regretable, but I can't deny your unforgetable. And it's undenyable that time has pasted to fast for us to be pliable, but I'm still stuck on your smile. And it feels like shit when I forget to forget, even if you quit and I prayed to be over it. So I'm not stuck in a sin, just this sad state you brought me up in, and I swear I would do it again, with these feelings still trapped with in. I try to pass the ball, pretend its not my fault, but that's no better than scrubing in salt, cause it's only half your fault. If you let me go then let me know, cause I ran out of things to hold, just stuck with a ghost and a mold, and words and songs that make me sound to damn bold. Filled with these words I'll never say, and confodence that fades away, and that smile that breaks the rains as I break away.

With my backpack packed and a mark on the map, I'm gonna drive to fast, gonna not look back. Light the night with a blow torch and a match.

Hold up stick your nose up....

laa you

best
friends
love
i hate those
words.
words they are.

meaning:
worse
enemy
hate.
meaning.
meaning what?

honestly:
i
iloveyou
i
ialwayshave
i
ineedyou

you:
dont
b e l i e v e
a
single
word.

truth:
you are
the
ONLY
person
i
cansee
myself with.

confession:
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
love you more

Day

*side note-I finally got a gmail account*

Hello old friend. Where have you been hiding? Perhaps behind a mountain or just beyond the horizon. It is good to see the light you cast. Here on this morn the birds sing to you in greeting and the butterflies come to play. How we have missed you so, dear Day.


~Reikan~

Welcome Back, Summer

this is the summer feeling you were never prepared for
the sinking emotions that drag you below the sculpture
of your stone tablet decadence that you create with these pens
your left all alone now thinking about your friends
when the memories try to laps you fall into a translucent mind
looking right through the activities that you preformed blind
welcome back to the survival rate of individuality
now is the time to pursue a new from of balancing
the time spent alone and the hours spent unnoticed
between liquor lines and high times that were partying motives
in the spring we all feel the essence that summer will bring
but when we're trapped in a summer we see the albatross' ring
a perfect circle with no lucid escape hatch has become the songs we sing
once again we're walking this dead end road
just waiting for a chance to listen to stories we have told

welcome back to the summer that we bring
welcome back to the pseudo-seductive lies we speak
welcome back to the summer that we bring
welcome back to the pseudo-seductive lies we speak

this is the time that we walk hand in hand
whispering lies of love we try to withstand
never again will we reach past the stars we have canned
opening the things we see in these dreams we prolong so vividly
the summer brings the death that will keep our lives moving slowly
not enough time is allotted to allow our instinctive reactions to build
swallow your friends with a glass of water and a pill
simple pleasures complicate the season and surely start to kill
the endorphins that have grown into a new form of identity
building us up to destroy this nations hard earned penalty
supporting our right to party like great Gatsby on T.V.
those were the last words of the summer it was speaking
line by line it will process the spectral nights into
NOTHING
after all, that's what we're waiting for
so welcome back to the diner with an open door
a policy of no oppression and an open forum
walk tall and welcome back
i hope your mind is still on track

welcome back to the summer that we bring
welcome back to the pseudo-seductive lies we speak
welcome back to the summer that we bring
welcome back to the pseudo-seductive lies we speak


~I hope everybodys' summer is absolutely unmatched in any way. mine is.




~been a long time since i hiped and hopped.

Love,
Digress.

vivo

so beautiful
these heartbeats you make me feel
so inseparable
our souls entwined like fingers of lovers hands
we combust:
react vigorsously with oxygen...produce heat and light:
we are
seen as a flame

nights and stars and bubbles it's poetic
no chalkboard to erase
it's permanent ink...this time
find.no.fault.

i
love you
i
need you

Summer nights

It's like a dream. One where you can't decided whether waking up (to the real light) is best, or you are complacent tossing reality out, and waiting for the light to find you. And I can ask god for the answers to these questions (the ones i am to afraid to ask), but he has already given me the answer. I have to ask those questions. I am scared to grow. Not because of what I will become, but because i am scared that things will hurt more, cut alittle deeper, sting alittle bit more. Like a hard ball in winter, except the sun is out. The streets, are alittle bit softer, the holes alittle bit shorter. And the laughs alittle bit realer. Sometimes a friendship is the things that we don't say. The things we show. The glint of a smile when no one is looking. The inch of space you are given when you wish someone would smother you. Shake you. It's two months, and we can say they will be to short. Or we can pretend they are to long. But either way we get to choose. And as long as we are alive, then we made the right choice. The answers are burried, but I'm not digging. I am looking up.

Life Lines

lies
deception
false hope
sit around
every corner
and on
every curb

the only way to
rise above
is to truly believe in

love

and the only way to believe
is to actually do
and to actually do
it to actually spread

love

all on its own
placing it on a pedestal
and worshiping it in your own
subtle
ways


~Leaving today. gonna get away from the try hards.

Love,
Digress.

And with the bay unfurled like the curls of sheep and coats of marine, a fisherman is counting waves under the mast of his ship until he falls fast asleep. Sunshine showers. Tourists swell the apertures of their cheap cameras with hopes to live in the photographs once they return to their dreary homes. Seagulls wish you would listen as they perform their choirs and plays. You, crowds, so hopelessly clouded in shades of insouciance, so distracted, you; whos and whoms and whose--- the quiet coos of anonymity. But we all want to scream like the gulls, unabashed even if they're unnoticed, jovial even if they're annoying.

Becoming A Vestige (again)

walk past the case, and look into the mind you erase
all the things we love simply aren't enough to place
us back in this long distant love affair we tried to trace
words unreturned and now look at what we've burned
i stare into your eyes while i try to find the word
that explains what you've done to my memory's term
nothing left but those agonizing minutes that turned into hours
and hours that faded into days, without the beauty of the flowers
in the stillness and calm, i don't know where i'm gone
i'm blown away with no recollection of my song
these moments last excruciatingly long
bouncing this ball of whats okay and what's wrong
i catch the ball in midair and let you pierce me with your stare
a heart of stone has been attached to my every bone
bleeding cold and alone, through these missing tones
if only i could hear more than the answering machine
and if you'd only explain to me exactly where you've been
where did you go?
i can't tell if i'm alive or dead

where did you go?
here in front of me, and now i no longer know
where did you go?
here in front of me, you faded into the mystery

you've still got my rib, and that's the hardest part
i don't know why you continue to break my heart
but i continue to rebuild it with faith in your part
i count up the kisses trying to find something wrong
your missing verses become a throng of missing messages
deciding that a complicated maze is proper explanation for this phase
the labyrinth is so exclusively embedded in your every phrase
deciphering my passwords to the briefcase
and looking up the papers of your last left trace
i'm a detective seeking clues for my own murdered feelings
the blood spots leave nothing but messages strewn about ceilings
what happened to the modern day life healing?
nothing now, left for the forgotten lore
and all the message of love, now shattered on the floor
i don't know if this is goodbye
but it is an acknowledgement of what i've felt, stabbing my insides

where did you go?
here in front of me, and now i no longer know
where did you go?
here in front of me, you faded into the mystery


~Hows that for a soft side? it killed me to write this.

Love,
Digress.

A Fractional What?

where did it all
turn?
when did vernacular become so
predictable
and scary?

was it due to the constant
wax and wayne
of human contact?
while i continue to
play fight
by fighting urgency

relaxation is around the corner
waiting for me to
shoot it down
with a
sub-machine gun
an emotional drive-by

this time i've got dive
bombs
and clocks that tick
irrevelently
i only count the tocks
anyway

steering wheels have no
handles
and airhorns have no
signal
but we continue
to procrastinate

i'm falling
like a dive bomb
in mid flight
'cept i don't have a
destination

the pancakes here are
delicious
the countryside is hideous
all flat
no craters
nothin'

i'm a damn fool
and i know
it
the only thing i have
going for me
is this dog noise
i make
'cept i don't have a
destination

we could be stupid together
you and
me
and we could live like
we were
kings
but that would make
everybody
feel meek

one day
i'm gonna write something good
ya know, something
worth while
...
like Voltaire
but until then
i'm just going to be a fool
and keep
procrastinating

i'd miss it
if only i could
just remember
but the last time i was there
it didn't really feel
like dive bombs
gliding
gliding
gliding
gliding
BOOM.

~I am a damn fool, this is an erstaz gift. i miss it.

Love,
Digress.

Plug Me In

she screams and screams
letting me know i let down all her dreams
i sit complacently and look back at my victory
i pulled the rip chord and let myself fall in the misery
the broken mirrors didn't know what we had in our hands
but i knew that it was broken ground when i pulled those strands
and the hair fell out one by one this is how i control the damage
drink it down with one more blot of ink
when will these thoughts clear so i can think?
i'm lost again, with no ties to confidence
back at the start, running from L.A. to Providence
as i pass the city streets
and look at the faces so beat
i've done nothing for you
and i'll give no hope to the rest
its best that we pass this test
and lay the starvation down to rest
because you could live without me
and i could act like i wore you out productively

i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
plug me in, i can carry on forever
just plug me in

this night is the night i kill the past ties
and walk away from every last one of your lies
its good enough, to just forget about your life
this is what i know, and i walk away from your tone
its apathetic when you hold my hand
while i sit here and drown, you continue to abuse the sound
the hallways are empty and the fines are hefty
you shouldn't have parked when my heart was heavy
between you and me, i've got a disease
i feel introverted when i act extroverted
and i hang myself from these waves of infection
i pass on this kiss of mislead direction
fall in love with these lips, they spread the taste
and you can feel it when you're about to win this race
you've beat me to the point of no recollection
and now i want to sit in my undigested selection
you never knew exactly how far i took this intervention
so she screams and she screams, letting me know about things
i can hear you, and i can feel vibrations panic brings
because you could live without me
and i could act like i wore you out productively

i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
plug me in, i can carry on forever
just plug me in

i don't believe anymore, when i did, i felt like a whore
now i'm waiting for a sign, something more than a rhyme
and something more than just another suicide note to find
this death has no meaning, except another experience in our dependency
the ball of lies bounces back from you to me
i walk with a limp, while you treat me invisibly
no more dreams will i keep in captivity
and never more will i leave without a sense of urgency
what needs to be done, needs to be done
so take this pill and place it under your tongue
if you read me right, you can feel it in the stomach
i'll sit in your eyes while you watch me act like a manic
tonight, i'm breaking these ties between you, me, the crowd, and the lies
you'll receive the signal over the telephone lines
pick up the receiver with expression of every kind
you can live without me acting so benign
because you could live without me
and i could act like i wore you out productively

i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
plug me in, i can carry on forever
just plug me in


~"I'm just a puppet, strung up to crucifixes..." - Input.

Love,
Digress.

you've got me thinking in rhymes

I can't say goodbye because it hurts too much, I can't say until I see you again because it's so indifferent, I can't say see you later because it's much too brief, but to you this is what I can and must say: you taught me that tearing feelings apart is much different than breaking a heart, that giving something power can be silent but a soul it can devour, that smiles and giggles can mean less than an aching heart will confess. You showed me that it's okay to see that I was wrong and to my faults I must admit only knowing that in the end all that matters is where my heart and soul will fit. Simple rhymes like tiny toes tickled my nose are just as good as the paramount catastrophic beauty of anything more than philisophic (al). You've shown me that who I am and who I want to look like don't always agree but both of them are what has become....me. I have to thank you for never letting me cop out, teaching me that easy answers aren't what life is about, and letting me be honest without fear of being judged. I'm no master of words...it's your world, I just dabble in it but thanks for indulging me while I find my creativity. You will always be the big brown beautiful boy with the goofy smile. I'll miss you.

DNA Match (A Rant)

You told me you weren’t coming
And then you just showed up
Forced to capture the moment
And re-live what I thought I forgot
You told me you were happy
And proud of what id done
When 2 years back you forced me to run
You thought you had won
Teaching me and telling me, all the wrong things
I wonder if you realize
You failed with me
I wish you could see
You don’t have me
To pay your way
And to support you
Every damn day.
You tell me that your leaving
Never to see your face again
But you’re my father
And that’s something I can’t change
Ranting and talking
It’s so strange to see you again
I feel so empty
Like this DNA matched man in front of me
Is just an empty soul to me.
like everything was taken
left me with one choice
use my own voice
and make my path
my own.
So here we are now
I made it
You told me no
And I showed you yes
So now I can rest
And I hope you can stand to this test
I showed you who I am
And that I was capable
Now watch the next 7 years unfold
As I remain un-sinkable.
Who are you?
Oh, what’s that?
I thought you knew
Just sitting in your dirty house
No job
No money
No car
Always at the bar
So far away
Caught up
Do you ever even think about
What you left without
And what you did to your family?
Well now you’re alone
With hardly a home
And with no one by your side
Is all your pride
Still pushed aside?
So many questions
Will always be left unanswered
Just give me a minute
And I sit
And drown right in it
Just give me something
For once in your life
Show me that you weren’t just
Another face in my life.

Making Me Sick While We Sit Here In This Diner

yeah, yeah, but whats the
point?
its alive
i told you...
art is not eternal

contest. yes.
contest, how can anything be
alive
if it has
no pulse

but it IS alive
the experience
is a sign of consciousness
everything is
alive

you're an idiot
an idiot
an idiot
i had an experience
but it wasn't alive

but that's the point
it needs to be
alive
to create a memory
once its dead
its dead to
memory

you're irrational

Intersubjectivity.
learn it.

relativity
learn it.

i have.
i'm sick.


~A conversation, between me and the ignorance

Love,
Digress.

Humans Burn, and Berries Bleed

humanity is so easily torn apart
we're blamed for this thing called a heart
whether we wish to run, or find a new start
we live in agony at every turn
lighting matches and burning incense
has left me with the realization of the test
its easy to be enraged with no forgiveness
that's just what i try to manifest
a little hint of empathy in every body's tragedy
as we expel the things we build in this tree
the rain falls down to water seeds of future
fine tuning is necessary for the cure
every time i look back i become concerned
worried about whether or not i did things right
but i let it all out, no matter the night
catharsis builds in this translucent mind sate
as emotions slip and slide like they're on ice skates
having a skeleton on the inside makes us want to pry
and makes us venerable, easily we break down to cry
an apology can be sent in any form or fashion
as long as it was derived from the purest of passion
let the wings drop as the faces shovel out the distraught
feelings and emotions that fed this altercation
taking a three day vacation from the journey to those lips
of freedom and developing this relationship
humans are so easily tainted
distracted by making pain feel sacred
we all want to run sometimes
hell, even i have wanted to just fly
have set the battle tides, and used a bottle to resign
so lets spread a message that we can find
a new way out in these problems inducing doubt

so easily we run
when apologies make things right
that is how we conduct ourselves in the night
how we conduct ourselves in the night
its alright
its all right

~Long kisses in the rain...

Love,
Digress.

LOVE:

there's no stepping around it
i'm heartbroken and full of regret
can't avoid the thoughts about the talks
and how many words i want to express in the songs
but i've got "forget me" stuck on repeat
it plays as i bob my head to the beat
i wish i could look back and figure out the BIG SECRET
but it was so intense i could be part of that treat
easily forgotten and quickly left for dead
i hope i'm an echo stuck in her head
but i'm nothing more than rotting words left unsaid
something produced a spontaneous need to behead
what has become something developed over many miles unmeasured
around the world, sent from here to there
the messages were full of love, to die a death so unfair
its so awkward thinking to myself, never knowing my own help
i need somebody but there's a closet full of empty space
and it stare me down in the face, when i question any trace
how will i ever find myself to get up and replace
the words written remembering her grace
i assume she forgot all those late night talks
only to leave the memory out lined in chalk
laying on this ground, in the agony of silenced sound
evaporating slowing into the show that surrounds
life moves on as she piles dirt onto another mound
just another one put into the ground
place it with a headstone and leave it named "Unknown"
when did no words become such a powerful gun?
the position i've been placed in has lacked in fun
my pulse surrounds me as i collapse into the street
feeling like i've just been sucker punched and breached
if only an explanation could be brought forward
if only she would shed light on the situation so morbid
then possibly i'd find the right path to mark invalid
tonight i'll drown it out with alcohol and worthless sin
just to find my way back to where i did begin
what is the lesson that i learned?
that i should spend so much time concerned
when my mind runs it tends to overturn
and produces fantasies of folk lure

Nothing.
not a phone call or electronic message
or an abstract form of method
i should give up, this relationship has grown tempid
she knew i would have allowed anythings she vented
goodbye is my message
forget everything you knew about ME as a VESTIGE

~Becoming a vestige. i am easily forgotten. all i need is an explanation. f-this.

~Lumber hug.

Love,
Digress and the Irrational Thinkers Society.

A Mixtape.

A Mixtape.

1. Art Of Humility..................(Input)
2. The Nurse...........................(The White Stripes)
3. Tango Till They're Sore....(Tom Waits)
4. My Doorbell........................(The White Stripes)
5. Yesterdays News...............(Dirk Thornton [aka.] Buck 65)
6. The Bethune Theory.........(The Emotron)
7. Forget Me............................(Input)
8. Cry Baby Cry......................(The Beatles)
9. Out Of Focus.......................(Buck 65)
10. The Denial Twist..............(The White Stripes)
11. Lumber Hug......................(Time)
12. Hand - Replacement........(Subtle)
13. I Wanna Be Your Dog.......(Iggy & The Stooges)
14. The Union Forever..........(The White Stripes)


~Strange List...I Know...Maybe i'm just another weirdo. i'll turn this into a CD. it will be...

Love,
Digress.

Drifter

every time i make an attempt
run
every time i try to embrace
escape
and every time i try to
imprint
you forget

quickly we fall into
this
emptiness
trying to build myself up enough
to ask the
questions

this sinking feeling that i'm being
ignored
and the feeling that lives
have sunk
communication sends an
S.O.S.
and we all fall
D
O
W
N

slowly building
and quickly dying
kill it if you wish
because i have
no feelings

none

forget me quickly
and we can all move
on
this party ended
before it
began

invitations were sent to
nobody
but everybody
heard

~"This year we'll just let it die on its own." - Input (Forget Me)

Love,
Digress.

stopping the chorus

All of the city's fireflies were electric eyes. Everywhere that I would go; green and orange hellos. I couldn't sleep. I drew down the shades but they still peered in. I drew up the sun but the lights just folded their wings and waited to be painted, waited to color inside the lines. So I went to work where I was ironically one of the people responsible for managing the city's electrical grid system. I baited my fellow employees out of the room with promises of pizza, then went back to the massive control board and managed to shut off half of the city's lights before someone came in and stopped me. The darkness lasted about half a minute and I was fired and four people were critically injured in car accidents involving faulty street signals. But screw it. It was worth the thirty seconds that I could look out of the building's window and see nothing except for night sky and silhouettes.

Predictably, I moved out into the country three weeks later, saving up my unemployment checks and selling a few antiques. My daughter protested but I told her we had to go because daddy was becoming an insomniac. She said she didn't know what that meant but she did know that I looked tired. A sweet girl, she acquiesced to accept our leaving.

I tried to think of how to transport my grand piano but it wasn't worth the trouble. I left it for the overpriced maid that I couldn't afford to keep. She said thank you and immediately proceeded to tune the wretched thing, something I had never learned how to do.

Out in the hills and farms, even here, I could not sleep. All of the country's fireflies were buzzing eyes. They watched me in sparks outside my window every night, told one another jokes at the expense of my restless nights'. So I hired an exterminator to get rid of them. He said he would come in a week. I impatiently waited, and during that week my daughter had managed to collect every single firefly she could find and put them in a giant jar that must have previously stored something like boiled eggs or giant olives. She filled it full and hid it under her bed. The same night that the exterminator finally arrived (an hour late) she had collected the last chorus of lights. The exterminator told me there were no fireflies in my yard to kill. He seemed disappointed. I gave him some money for gas, at least, and he went on his hapless way. It was almost midnight by then, and for the first time in seven months I was able to enjoy a couple hours of soundless, lightless sleep, until the lid of my daughter's jar came loose under her bed and our house was lit up like a city.

I opened my bedroom door when I noticed a swell of viridity from the hallway outside. The fireflies were swarming in fluorescent blizzards. I could hear my sweet daughter laughing, wading her tiny hands through their illumination. We're back home, she said. The contours of her face shifted through shades of bright pond green from the lights shining underneath wings. Her dimples dried in lily pads, her hair swung down over her turtle eyes with vines. Home, I told her, was just a noun. She said she didn't know what that meant but she did know what right now looked like.

Dear.

dear aurora borealis,
you look good
day and night
when you're in my sight
everything is alright

dear ocean waves,
breaking on the beaches
you wash away the pain
and i'll do the same
you hide nothing but beauty

dear yukon river,
you wind and stretch
cover ground i have not touched
so far away
but i miss you every single day

dear islands of the north,
so intrepid and delightful
i want to explore your every shore
then tell you about the world more
but listen to your words you store

dear ocean bed,
i want to lie in your depths
curl up in your warmth
and rise the next day to calm the storms
then we'll sail the seven seas

dear wind,
nothing compares to you
or can commit to what you do
unique in every word you make me think
blowing even when you are weak

~i've been partial to... writing. more. love. poems.

Love,
Digress.

The Stairs.

when i get retrospective
introspective

i try to think of the good times
best lies

when i look back at the laughs
giggles of masks

i realize how much fun i really had
fun but sad

time to go away, move on with the daze
sun-set, sun-rise

another step higher, another step above
this has been enough

going back in time is not an option
lively-hood caution

i must walk away, and leave this day behind
these four years of mine

so much time invested, friendships lost and made
soon to just... fade


away...


goodbye Columbine


goodbye.



~Rather die than cry.

Love,
Digress.

tell me

what did you think?
just wondering.
i would love to know.
but im too shy,
to ask in person that is.
...
tell me?

Yo Layba,

You told me to shut up and write so i did.
In this room of purple and yellow
is where my thoughts came to mellow.
I marvelled at your rhyme so sublime
and you challenged me to make mine.
I spit a rhyme that was one-of-a-kind,
an experience that will forever be in my mind.
In these walls i heard rhymes that were malicious,
they made me superstitious,
and when i tasted them they were delicious.
But seriously, it is in this room where we have grown,
and learned from what our class Dad has shown.
We learned from R.P. and Lance
as we watched words dance,
all with our trusted pen by our side.
Hey Dobbler, thanks for the ride.
Oh! 7 Forever!
-Boogie

soft spot

stop me.
right now.
i have got to put an end to this.
i cant keep crying.
i am such a wimp.
gosh, why do i have to have
a soft spot?

i feel replaced

I Love Your Game

Go ahead kid, i think that you're just another invalid
compare the money up with the amount of sin
and we can find out your end, before you begin
you were a fantasy that was written
and exploited until you had nothing to forget
step up i've got quite the set, for you and your regret
i'm not gonna throw punches unless you start building up the hunches
you've got a clue, i'll give you words until you break bonds like glue
i'm sick of you, and i'm sick of this output you force me to do
i say what i say because i think you're in the wrong mind state
a call from ground control to your space station brain
the signal has fallen below the line of lame
i would say you've got phallicisim to produce your fame
you're always willing to be part of this stupid game
when will you rise above the fact that you're deranged?
and give it up that you can't stop being material based
you are, to me, crazy and absolutely insane
all your friends are who you tamed
they only like you cuz you've got money to be claimed
just waiting for your old man to kick the bucket and you'll have it your reality frame
until then you freeload off of his success he made on streets of main
did you know it was something that i don't condone
there a lot more things i'd like to let you know
i'm gonna get them off my dome, and you can perform it in a show
because its the last day before i go, and now you think you can step in
like you've got the right to challenge me to a fist fight?
you don't have the gall, i'm not gonna waste my time producing your plight
it was out of your precognition, you have no foresight, nor hindsight
you just waste space and make no achievements, you couldn't make ME bite
so get something to your life that's worth the time
you need a hobby or somebody that cares about your tragic climb
you were born into the american dream
.........................HAW! HAW!
it was just a DREAM
WAKE UP SUGAR!
i've been trying to pull up your anchor
and now that i got your goat, i'll shove you into the hanger
to chill and relax, you need repairs to your anger
management possibly or perhaps a lobotomy
i'm pissed with your ignorant anatomy
your brain power surpasses the subjects of botany
plant life growing through the weeds in your roots
never did you know i'd melt your boots
then take off your belt and crack you in the personality that money did remove
when can we drop this war, let things move on from the ego that you whore?
tell me when you're no longer pretentious
and you've discovered a hint of your human inventiveness
then i'll embrace you as a brother, or maybe a son
until then you won't have any fun
and you'll continue to run, trying to prove your balls are bigger than the sun
tell me where that gets you and i'll show you a depressing sight
end this stuff.
TONIGHT.

i'm not gonna give you what you expect because, you are my hero
you let me know exactly down which paths, i won't go.

~Livid. and i feel like i broke some rules.

Love,
Digress.

A Little Diddy About Museums

i'm weary of the museums
i've been wondering what they want me to see
behind these exhibits is a message that's unclean
a tainted view on life and directions they want me to lean
why does this happen to me? i'm always the only one questioning
down below that paragraph it says,
thanks for believing
love, uncle sam

~Learn-ed children. so smart, so smart.

Love,
Digress.

OH! Seven

This is a sneak preview of my letter to Oh! 7 that will appear in the paper tomorrow. You bloggers deserve a preview. SHhhhhhh.


They said write a letter and I did and it sucked
so I sat back down pushed pen on the paper
and the bleeding began as I looked back at the year
and this class that I fathered (cuz dadded ain’t a word)
You 2 brung it all year in Forensics and Debate
I heard you next door
Kids with helmets and caps bringing home mo’ metal from State
Andres cult scored a perfect 1
And the musical? How do you get that done?
Tonelli’s talent show proved he ain’t no Holla Back girl
it’s like Columbine Idol but way more vital
cuz we voted to school kids in a beautiful way
And what can I say about the Curious Savage?
There was money in a bear some violin and piano
crazy people who were smarter than average
(If I don’t mention Schwartz, she’s on me like Tony Soprano)
The list of our teams that went to the playoffs
is proof of the payoffs
of what it means to work like a Rebel
No teams in Jeffco can touch our skills and get offs!
Where else do I start?
In medias res?
I know one thing for sure my flow is suburban
I ain’t no Digress!
It’s from the top of my heart. This is pure love
Not a cliché (like the bottom they say)
I needed to say it in a way you don’t hear everyday
This class of Oh! Seven has brought a paternity
Suit against me to bless me and
They say I am dad-like
but without the maturity
It’s awkward for me
cuz I know there are more
Deserving than me
like Friesen, Webb, Pruett and Coach Ivory “We Are” Moore
Nonetheless I’m grateful to win the Tom Tonelli Award
And before him it was Chuck Herring who answered to Dad
Heck, I couldn’t even carry his history book bag
Chuck was a man who taught teachers some lessons
Bout gambling and love and 9/10th is possession
Chuck made “shut up” sound beautiful and just beneath mad
Thank you Chuck, for laughter from jokes that were…well…bad
If Chuck Herring was a class dad
Then I’m nothing but a baby
In the tracks made deep for me
By a man synonymous with integrity
Peace out Oh! Seven
My flow is getting slow
Like Travis Duffy
Runnin the 40
But my love for you is huge as Hughes
And bigger than Ryan Miller shoes
And higher than Veronica Selzer’s class ranking
And sweeter than a cookie from McKee
Like a graduation speech from Samantha Murray
Like Lloyd Dobbler and his boom box
I gave you my heart…
Thanks for throwing
Yours back to me


Good Night Oakland

BRMC

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club is playing the Gothic Thursday night--I'm not gonna lie---I'm goin and it will rule. Sick Tight Dope=6th period.

Go out with a roar

Just Breath

Most of the time I let things get to me.
I am weak. Though I might not show it.
I'm sure most of you know it.
A simple outburst of word vomit,
Can just make my skin crawl,
Hair on my body raises to attention.
Ma'am yes ma'am.
My shell looks brave,
feels ashamed.
Teeth, white,
Though they hide my sorrow.
My jokes stink up the room,
As though they just got gassed.
Hand workin all day,
And all night.
Mind turning quickly to dust,
I know that I must,
Take it in,
Slow down.
Just
Breath.
In.
and,
Out.
In,
and slowly
Out.
Just breath.
Take a deep breath.

Votes Cast.

i didn't express interest because i don't want to manifest
i don't want to build up the pillows you use to rest
avoid this caution and you'll see how the crowd responds
use every trick in the book to break the train of thoughts
they rumble in the night, escaping all these city lights
shaking the cargo that surrounds the aimless skies
departing the system and all the laws of physics it abides
cuts like butter through the sunlit cheery lies
this train keeps a-runnin while people keep on sunnin
get so tan until you can't distinguish your face from the next of kin
a family affair when they board the train of constant sorrow
look back at the wills for tomorrow
forever it shall be, for never it shall see
and when that ocean swells up in front of me
i will give it a feeling of desperate reality
charging these uphill battles as if they were a battery
bombing down on these atrocities with one million millimeter artillery
did they look past the presentation of your fallacy?
putting it into context of your aimless victory
this is a precision win, but it only matters cyclicly
brunt of attack, the front, with all the accuracy
when did you attempt to circle around me?
A PINCER ATTACK!
now i'm getting it from the back
betrayal back at you, i'm on main drag
i'll get you in the polls and capture the vote of columbine knolls
this campaign trail has been set up so frail
give me something to eat that isn't so stale
win me, my heart, and mind
where do you stand with your kind?

votes are cast
be a fisher of men, don't fish trout with trash.

~Indecision with precision, way far away from my voting jurisdiction.

Love,
Digress.

Not The Air Farce.

the sky stands there
in front of me
and tells me these mysterious things
it is a quandary

the sky stands there
and watches the people
walking around doing their humanoid things
we are a quandary

the sky stands there
in pure misery
watching us destroy it with every chore
we are its god

the sky stands there
and changes and changes
building natural disasters and hold ups for humans
it is our oppressor

the sky stands there
ready, waiting, and watching
defending us from meteors, space, and asphyxiation
it is our god

the sky stands there
and remains still
while it ponders the next move
playing chess

the sky
is A God
we, the humanoids
is A God

~Hate ambiguous weather. love Colorado

Love,
Digress.

Healing Process

The tears wouldn’t stop.
Flowing down my cheeks, down my chin,
Onto the floor of the room that I was sitting in.
Tears of pain and confusion, but mostly fear,
I didn’t want him to know,
I didn’t want him to hear.

I’ve put this off for far too long,
I thought that I could forever be strong.
Behind my mask, behind my barricade,
The strength in me began to fade.
My walls were crumbling inside,
But that’s the thing I was good at,
From all my emotions and my pain I would hide.
I’ve been hiding from the truth,
And running from my pain for years.
I can’t run forever,
The truth is now showing through my tears.

I want to be free.
I want to rid of this feeling of being empowered over.
I want to be able to see,
that I can get past the things that were.
I want to * “wake up one day with no secrets; nothing held in.
Wouldn’t that be great? Can you imagine?” *

A long road awaits me,
And I know that it won’t be easy.
A journey has brought me to where I am,
Yet through it all, I’ve been a mere grain of sand.
But with the help that I’ve got,
And my path chosen,
I’ll no longer be that tiny, forgotten grain of sand,
Maybe I’ll hold the power of the ocean.
This time it’s going to be sweet success,
Instead of the familiar failure;
and so begins the pro-longed healing process.

* Quote from Leyba *

Catharsis

it falls out
uncontrollably
its a necessity
it pours from every
pore

un
...con
........trol
.............lably

~Release. we all need it.

Love,
Digress.

On My Mind

there's some things on my mind
i wish i was
near
so that we could
embrace
these things away

it was so so long
before
i heard back
in fact
i haven't heard
back
from you yet

and i'm still
waiting
and
hoping
you're okay

i hope
i hope
i wish
i could
kiss
this trouble away.

~It was dignified, but sterilized.

Love,
Digress.

The Best Time to be alone is never

You are amazing
all of you
I am feeling the weight of you preparing to leave
You each taught me something
Who is teaching who today?
Oh! Seven.

good night

what does it mean

I'm asking you to tell me, do you still care for me? This piece is for you you know who you are, riddle me this: how close together is too far? Does your heart ache, do movies play in your head? I don't mean to impose or hinder, to impede or to hurt. I only want to know, will time and distance glue us apart? A best friend walks through your heart so often, a path is worn...and a best friend gone is like a masterpiece torn. I'm feeling a little scared and I can only tell you, you know all that I am and this picture I drew. I so miss your words your thoughts your dreams seems your future is promising. do you forget me now? Syntax and spaces and punctuation are intentional rhyming is more than conventional to our lives we must be punctual. Us without us is something short of mere functional. Good bye and Good luck. Watch out for flying golf clubs...you might wanna duck.

With a smile in my heart
I accept now that we part.

Ramblings Of A Misplaced Young Man.

i want to be so many many things
successful at all the dreams
i'd like to strive to succeed
but i've a fear of these trees
i could branch out and achieve
but i feel restraint from the scenes
movies that seem to play my life
just like i need a match to strike
a flame to light up the night
and let somebody know about the strife
i'd have none of that delight
because i don't have their life

place myself in this box
of irrelevant jitters that talk
and words that simply mock
but that's what we erect
when the messages interject
its a poopie mess of reasons met
when will it finally leave us to collect
this life they lead from behind a pulpit
this man does not know, they do not see
where they complete this tragedy in humanity
its funny how things like that rhyme
life and strife, humanity and tragedy
calamity and sanity, tranquility and violently

we choose to live in adverbs
its true and it easily does concern
when will we step from the boarders we trap ourselves in?
look through the telescope for that progression
or perhaps you could take a step toward a lesson
we have to work for tomorrow
it seems we all want to cover up the past that's so hallow
step up, step out, and strive
because i told you, i don't have the drive
maybe i just need to find what lies inside
break down the walls of pride

these messages sent you couldn't regret
look past the things you see inside this scent
its a second message that you didn't really get
but you did
subliminal indeed, they've been planting this seed
don't let it grow, its nothing but a weed
chop it down, and find the right roots
pick and prune the plant of truth
harvest the flourishing fruit that blushes in the dreams
pick it, and make sure its sweet
because dreams were made for you to eat
for you to eat.

~They're making progress, without breaking ground.

Love,
Digress.

Freeway Dreams.

the freeway travels at all times
it won't ever stop
and it can't change
humanity
has made it
so so
permanent

the freeway is traveled
by people i'll never meet
and hold no admiration
because they are the same
insane
and won't ever change

the freeway is the way to travel
buses and cars block barriers
so we truly can't break through
what about the tomorrow?
revolution
is only sparked by a new idea

the expensiveway is the way
to live. to travel.
price is quality.

~Everybody is so busy in this slow building emergency.

Love,
Digress.

Swinging Emotions

I'm scared.
I'm terrified.
I just want to run and hide,
but I know running from my fears
won't solve a thing,
so I went down to the park to swing.
Swinging . . .
Thinking . . .
Wondering . . .
what if I never met her?
then I would've never met him.
He wouldn't have caused me
all these tears that I'm still trying to swim in.
All these things would've never happened,
so many things of mine
would've never been stolen.
Wondering . . .
what if I chose a different path?
would I still be dealing with all this aftermath?
what if I stayed strong,
and stood up for myself?
maybe I wouldn't be damaged goods,
just put back on the shelf.
Wondering . . .
what would happen if my story
could be re-written,
if I could forget all this,
and pretend it was fiction?
Screaming now . . .
pumping higher and higher,
tears falling from
my bright blue sapphires.
Screaming . . .
Crying . . .
I'm so afraid.
At times like this,
I wish I could be fearless,
instead of feeling helpless.
Crying . . .
Unwanted tears continue falling
without permission,
Stars: the only things out here
that are listening.
Thinking . . .
Swinging . . .
My legs hang limp,
I begin to get lower and lower,
My hands grip the chains tighter,
Stopped.
Eyes shut tight.
Maybe if they're closed,
this will all just go away,
but if I open them,
will things be okay?
Walking . . .
Running . . .
Through the dark,
I make my way through
memories and fears,
emotions and tears.
I'm terrified.
I'm scared.
Strength, I am surely without,
I guess my biggest fear,
is
being found out.

A Stallion Nation.

i took those steps so slowly
i looked up at their majesty
it was just another flight
but these led to freedom
i had to climb them one by one
listening to the wind as it hummed through the jury's that were hung
there was a message that was being exhaled through the lungs
bent, prodded, and sent, they were so well flung
you might have thought we were hustlers, cutting all this mustard
this government fits you tighter than a leotard
would you drive me there before you told me how far
i didn't want the hourly rate, i just wanted to arrive at my fate
climbing these stairs in the hallways of freedom
a memorial for the long lost songs that were sung
two steps up and i forgot already, five more and i'll have a search party
the cause was lost
and we were betting on the jocks, the horses came in flocks
and flew away, its what we tried so hard to stop
but a pegasus has wings for a reason
just like an eagle falls bald to the treason
no more words for the message that are cooked well done
an expression can't be contained in the lines of pixels
but an entire generation can agree that sex sells
did you hear the inherited scars and stories that it tells?
what more did you ask for, inside these stair wells
we've all gotta show off our own personal hell
but was that what we were brought here for
so we could find out what's behind that fiery door?
it's parallel and its a stupid judgement we pass onto youth
how many more times will we fill their minds with faulty truth
we better send back the defects, because this batch is wrecked
and even if we do, we know this nation will continue to be cleft
between the right and the left
you better get some cleaner and clean that palette
this world has a nature of nurturing the phallic
and if we don't act quick, this eagle will drop us from the talon
work at it, and we can make this nation a stallion.

~D.C. Makes Me feel political.

Love,
Digress.

DESTINATION.

falling!
SIRENS
THE DESTINATION SO SO FAR FROM HOME!
butwhatwasitthatyoureallydidshow,empathy,orapathy,wouldyourealizethatit'salljustonelongdrawnoutemergency,hotelsmightadvertisethevacany,butthere'stoomanypeopleinsurgery,juniormintswillgetyoulikeaserpentatsea. A SERPENT IN THE OCEAN DEPTHS!
THRIVING
sea swells.

~I Don't Like the slow emergencys.

Love,
Digress.

Buildings I'm Distributing.

i'm building it up
brushing out and fixing those scuffs
i'm gonna get the sandpaper and begin to buff
polish it off and let the world know what i thought
i'm gonna see how far i bend just for the lesson taught
then i'm gonna take lots of candid snap shots
break away from the chain and the locks
then we'll compile the data in the stocks
send out a mailer to the complier, and see who knocks
this door that we present will soon to be for the scent
the odor that success produces, is here to help us bruise
the self esteem that the buildings produce
jump off the edge and see how far the ground gives
test the waters of live and let live
send the packages to brown and see what you give
the plastics melt and drip down the sieve
this atrocity that was produced by humanity
nobody wants to be inside their own body
and now we live inside these custom tailored mannequins
try on the clothes because being a glutton is no longer a sin
its the ten commandments RE-WRITTEN

1. do your homework
2. win every contest with a wet t-shirt
3. even in stifling matters you must re-vert
4. don't change
5. everybody but you is insane
6. don't try hard enough to hurt your brain
7. drink away every problem you can't stand
8. buy everything you can
9. allegories, similes, and parables are for books
10. everybody cares about your every look

this is the edifice of the human race
the tides that turned when we sped up the pace
and we took a look away from grace
now its all about the mind states
or the issues we seem to dilate
well its good, don't you know?
that we're living up to this so called show
and we don't ever know exactly what we know
so how can we ever break boundaries to grow
its a pride potential, and that's the first credential
how much do you know about your mental
this capacity that you hand out like rentals
hope to get it back, coming out like perennials
so keep on coming up
i've got social addictions to these drugs.

~It Blind sides you on some idle tuesday afternoon.

Love,
Digress.

tell me

tempted to put up my memior....possible?

Busy Mind At The Airport...

i'm at the airport
contemplating
how many people
pass
through

i'm at the airport
waiting for a plane
same plot, different sequel
a novel
to write

i'm at the airport
stressing my brain
for the words that i feel
right
now

i'm at the airport
with somebody in my mind
thinking about the seal
between
it all

i'm at the airport
watching all the people
rushing around like clowns
busy
or... are they?

i'm at the airport
and i'm about to board
and i wanted to tell you
just how i felt
but i was out of earshot.

~I Miss you all. Especially you. with a capital u.

Love,
Digress and the non-traditionalist

P.S. I'm an Iconoclast

self image

Fully recovered,
5,
6,
years.
Once as i describe,
wildabeast.
woof.
Now i cent help but look,
that black hole,
that once was so crule,
but now so,
so perfect.
I do not fear the.
Though it still could improve,
I see,
what i can really be.

A Willaby Wallaby Woo

I wanna reach past the falls, their mighty walls. I wanna reach above the clouds, beyond the stars. I wanna reach that Champaigne supernova in the sky, way up high, with all my hopes and dreams. All the things that I live for, the goals I have that make me...me. The family I want to have, the kids I want to raise, the wife I want to love. Thats were I want to reach, I wanna step on the 'naysayer's' faces and laugh at their smirks. All the people that tole me no, they, they are who I want to show. I'll show them that I can, yes, I can. What will they think then? Thats what I wanna reach, the point of no return, sit on the mountain of life and yell in triumph. Most improtant of all though, I wanna reach utter happiness, with the cows and what not in the fields of dreams. I'll show that wall.

some silence would be nice

dang it must suck to be a gangster in a world of little baby playas. the talking talking, constant mouths running, confusing sex and lust with love and all the inclusions thereof. let's turn ten real quick and see if puberty hits in time to graduate this giant gymnasium of imsomniac Messianic archetypes (like the big brown beautiful boy). the blatant patience blows my mind and God I hope I was never like that. to all the big time ballERs that bow down and beautify the dirt road that these itty bitty bouncers dance down....here's to you: hey thanks

Investigator

investigator investigator
why you always knockin on my front door?
i told you what i know, and i don't know anymore
leave me be, leave me be
investigator investigator

~Mississippi John Hurt playing in my headphones. it ain't bad.

Love,
Digress.