I can't find the words anymore. Maybe I'm crushed. Maybe my soul just gave up the will to live. But no, if that was the case my heart wouldn't smile every time i think of you. Maybe I'm just comfortably stagnant, content with just floating by. But then how could i want so much to change? I know that tons of people that read this can understand what I'm going through, and are willing to give me words of encouragement, but that doesn't help when i can't even understand what I'm going through.
More than anything i believe my writing has been shocked into submission. I had one of those moments that you can't prepare for. As much as i told myself that it would happen one day, i still felt like a dagger pierced me out of no where when it did. I stood against the wall, pretending i didn't give a care in the world, when really i felt my world collapsing. Your dad is the guy that would kick someones ass if they hit you when you were learning to ski, and would hold you and tell you its alright when you lose a grandparent. And what do you say when your rock is broken? Watching my dad cry, completely defenseless, i was more lost than i have ever been. I tried to stream of consciousness rhyme about it.
"Damn dad, sorry your mad, i wish you could be glad, you loved me sense I've been a lad".
Nothing.
I didn't sit down to write about it that, but maybe it is the block in my stream. I wish i could break past it so i could focus on other things, but when i try to write it always just comes back to this. A circle that i don't know how to get out of.
Damn Sam. I don't know what to say. It is so incredibly hard when you lose that rock. I know.
ReplyDeletetake time alone, sunset is the begining of night
ReplyDeleteremember after night there's a flight of light
taking off into that sight known as "alright"
its fine, the walls don't have mouths
but the celings have ears, support can be found in peers
a peer is somebody living the same year
2007 is the current one that stares
climbing stairs, takes time alone from fears
we've got something in that corner
something in that cornea
waiting for us to take time alone
so we can finally rise above that stone
crumbling or not, we can reach the center alone
we can take it with a mono-tone
we can take it with a constant flow
just make sure you let it go
allow the people here to know
nothing you say can ever be wrong
the words are spoken, life is a song
the words are spoken, life is a song
the words are spoken, life is a song.
~Letting breaths take my steps.
Love,
Digress
samm.
ReplyDeletethis is great.
you are truly letting your emotions out. its wonderful. it doesnt matter if you dont have the words to say it, because there is always something to describe the feeling.
i know what its like. to have that rock as you call and it just gets crushed into a million little pebbels.
p.s thank you for the comment.
im glad i can help someone.