Shattered

I'm remembering the day I told you you could keep me
Looked you dead in the eye and lied that I'd stay around
I'm remebering nights of touching and holding and learning
and new
I knew I loved you
knew from the first time I heard you laugh
it spilled like sugar onto a cupcake
like ages of tape being unwound from an 8-track
and backing up to when my heart was a virgin
I was a virgin with you
I hold your face in the palms of my mind
see you in every picture at night that tricks me into thinking
you're here
lover you're here.
in that picture frame that held our lips and the fan that you left on
I smell your skin every time I curl that pillow around my wounded heart
every breath I take is stolen from a wish
a dream
when I was your victory
you were my trophy my triumph over myself
I break my fall every day with your prison bed
I set myself free so you can feel through me what it's like
to have wings
you were my first cup of home made coffee
a brand new that could never get old
a new pair of shoes that went through the washer every day just to be able to look and say
baby I knew
I knew from the first shirt you wore and the way you ran
that we had a marathon to do
I knew how to learn my curves and fit them to you
Baby.
I see your stripes and you memorized my scars
tell me a scar story
Tell me where I'm from, and howcome when I come
to you
There's butterflies and unwrapped candies and cliff divers
There's a hole
an orface in the softest part of my heart where your body used to lie
curled up that way you do and I used to fit too
I used to fit too
And show me God, tell me how you met him how he tugged on your chain
Did you give Him my best
did you remember to tell him I'm sorry for giving this time away
If I gave you my ache would you find a place in the attic to store it until winter
when the flowers are gone and I need a way to remember this day
I've been opening presents I don't want and holding hands I can't touch
speaking truths and feeling lies never ever forgetting
your eyes
your chocolate eyes
tell me why do I breathe in your tears every time I say goodbye
why do I even try to say goodbye