Thursday, May 31, 2007

Becoming A Vestige (again)

walk past the case, and look into the mind you erase
all the things we love simply aren't enough to place
us back in this long distant love affair we tried to trace
words unreturned and now look at what we've burned
i stare into your eyes while i try to find the word
that explains what you've done to my memory's term
nothing left but those agonizing minutes that turned into hours
and hours that faded into days, without the beauty of the flowers
in the stillness and calm, i don't know where i'm gone
i'm blown away with no recollection of my song
these moments last excruciatingly long
bouncing this ball of whats okay and what's wrong
i catch the ball in midair and let you pierce me with your stare
a heart of stone has been attached to my every bone
bleeding cold and alone, through these missing tones
if only i could hear more than the answering machine
and if you'd only explain to me exactly where you've been
where did you go?
i can't tell if i'm alive or dead

where did you go?
here in front of me, and now i no longer know
where did you go?
here in front of me, you faded into the mystery

you've still got my rib, and that's the hardest part
i don't know why you continue to break my heart
but i continue to rebuild it with faith in your part
i count up the kisses trying to find something wrong
your missing verses become a throng of missing messages
deciding that a complicated maze is proper explanation for this phase
the labyrinth is so exclusively embedded in your every phrase
deciphering my passwords to the briefcase
and looking up the papers of your last left trace
i'm a detective seeking clues for my own murdered feelings
the blood spots leave nothing but messages strewn about ceilings
what happened to the modern day life healing?
nothing now, left for the forgotten lore
and all the message of love, now shattered on the floor
i don't know if this is goodbye
but it is an acknowledgement of what i've felt, stabbing my insides

where did you go?
here in front of me, and now i no longer know
where did you go?
here in front of me, you faded into the mystery


~Hows that for a soft side? it killed me to write this.

Love,
Digress.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

A Fractional What?

where did it all
turn?
when did vernacular become so
predictable
and scary?

was it due to the constant
wax and wayne
of human contact?
while i continue to
play fight
by fighting urgency

relaxation is around the corner
waiting for me to
shoot it down
with a
sub-machine gun
an emotional drive-by

this time i've got dive
bombs
and clocks that tick
irrevelently
i only count the tocks
anyway

steering wheels have no
handles
and airhorns have no
signal
but we continue
to procrastinate

i'm falling
like a dive bomb
in mid flight
'cept i don't have a
destination

the pancakes here are
delicious
the countryside is hideous
all flat
no craters
nothin'

i'm a damn fool
and i know
it
the only thing i have
going for me
is this dog noise
i make
'cept i don't have a
destination

we could be stupid together
you and
me
and we could live like
we were
kings
but that would make
everybody
feel meek

one day
i'm gonna write something good
ya know, something
worth while
...
like Voltaire
but until then
i'm just going to be a fool
and keep
procrastinating

i'd miss it
if only i could
just remember
but the last time i was there
it didn't really feel
like dive bombs
gliding
gliding
gliding
gliding
BOOM.

~I am a damn fool, this is an erstaz gift. i miss it.

Love,
Digress.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Plug Me In

she screams and screams
letting me know i let down all her dreams
i sit complacently and look back at my victory
i pulled the rip chord and let myself fall in the misery
the broken mirrors didn't know what we had in our hands
but i knew that it was broken ground when i pulled those strands
and the hair fell out one by one this is how i control the damage
drink it down with one more blot of ink
when will these thoughts clear so i can think?
i'm lost again, with no ties to confidence
back at the start, running from L.A. to Providence
as i pass the city streets
and look at the faces so beat
i've done nothing for you
and i'll give no hope to the rest
its best that we pass this test
and lay the starvation down to rest
because you could live without me
and i could act like i wore you out productively

i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
plug me in, i can carry on forever
just plug me in

this night is the night i kill the past ties
and walk away from every last one of your lies
its good enough, to just forget about your life
this is what i know, and i walk away from your tone
its apathetic when you hold my hand
while i sit here and drown, you continue to abuse the sound
the hallways are empty and the fines are hefty
you shouldn't have parked when my heart was heavy
between you and me, i've got a disease
i feel introverted when i act extroverted
and i hang myself from these waves of infection
i pass on this kiss of mislead direction
fall in love with these lips, they spread the taste
and you can feel it when you're about to win this race
you've beat me to the point of no recollection
and now i want to sit in my undigested selection
you never knew exactly how far i took this intervention
so she screams and she screams, letting me know about things
i can hear you, and i can feel vibrations panic brings
because you could live without me
and i could act like i wore you out productively

i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
plug me in, i can carry on forever
just plug me in

i don't believe anymore, when i did, i felt like a whore
now i'm waiting for a sign, something more than a rhyme
and something more than just another suicide note to find
this death has no meaning, except another experience in our dependency
the ball of lies bounces back from you to me
i walk with a limp, while you treat me invisibly
no more dreams will i keep in captivity
and never more will i leave without a sense of urgency
what needs to be done, needs to be done
so take this pill and place it under your tongue
if you read me right, you can feel it in the stomach
i'll sit in your eyes while you watch me act like a manic
tonight, i'm breaking these ties between you, me, the crowd, and the lies
you'll receive the signal over the telephone lines
pick up the receiver with expression of every kind
you can live without me acting so benign
because you could live without me
and i could act like i wore you out productively

i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
i don't sleep because i'm scared of what you think
and i don't sleep because that's when death will seep
plug me in, i can carry on forever
just plug me in


~"I'm just a puppet, strung up to crucifixes..." - Input.

Love,
Digress.

Monday, May 28, 2007

you've got me thinking in rhymes

I can't say goodbye because it hurts too much, I can't say until I see you again because it's so indifferent, I can't say see you later because it's much too brief, but to you this is what I can and must say: you taught me that tearing feelings apart is much different than breaking a heart, that giving something power can be silent but a soul it can devour, that smiles and giggles can mean less than an aching heart will confess. You showed me that it's okay to see that I was wrong and to my faults I must admit only knowing that in the end all that matters is where my heart and soul will fit. Simple rhymes like tiny toes tickled my nose are just as good as the paramount catastrophic beauty of anything more than philisophic (al). You've shown me that who I am and who I want to look like don't always agree but both of them are what has become....me. I have to thank you for never letting me cop out, teaching me that easy answers aren't what life is about, and letting me be honest without fear of being judged. I'm no master of words...it's your world, I just dabble in it but thanks for indulging me while I find my creativity. You will always be the big brown beautiful boy with the goofy smile. I'll miss you.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

DNA Match (A Rant)

You told me you weren’t coming
And then you just showed up
Forced to capture the moment
And re-live what I thought I forgot
You told me you were happy
And proud of what id done
When 2 years back you forced me to run
You thought you had won
Teaching me and telling me, all the wrong things
I wonder if you realize
You failed with me
I wish you could see
You don’t have me
To pay your way
And to support you
Every damn day.
You tell me that your leaving
Never to see your face again
But you’re my father
And that’s something I can’t change
Ranting and talking
It’s so strange to see you again
I feel so empty
Like this DNA matched man in front of me
Is just an empty soul to me.
like everything was taken
left me with one choice
use my own voice
and make my path
my own.
So here we are now
I made it
You told me no
And I showed you yes
So now I can rest
And I hope you can stand to this test
I showed you who I am
And that I was capable
Now watch the next 7 years unfold
As I remain un-sinkable.
Who are you?
Oh, what’s that?
I thought you knew
Just sitting in your dirty house
No job
No money
No car
Always at the bar
So far away
Caught up
Do you ever even think about
What you left without
And what you did to your family?
Well now you’re alone
With hardly a home
And with no one by your side
Is all your pride
Still pushed aside?
So many questions
Will always be left unanswered
Just give me a minute
And I sit
And drown right in it
Just give me something
For once in your life
Show me that you weren’t just
Another face in my life.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Making Me Sick While We Sit Here In This Diner

yeah, yeah, but whats the
point?
its alive
i told you...
art is not eternal

contest. yes.
contest, how can anything be
alive
if it has
no pulse

but it IS alive
the experience
is a sign of consciousness
everything is
alive

you're an idiot
an idiot
an idiot
i had an experience
but it wasn't alive

but that's the point
it needs to be
alive
to create a memory
once its dead
its dead to
memory

you're irrational

Intersubjectivity.
learn it.

relativity
learn it.

i have.
i'm sick.


~A conversation, between me and the ignorance

Love,
Digress.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Humans Burn, and Berries Bleed

humanity is so easily torn apart
we're blamed for this thing called a heart
whether we wish to run, or find a new start
we live in agony at every turn
lighting matches and burning incense
has left me with the realization of the test
its easy to be enraged with no forgiveness
that's just what i try to manifest
a little hint of empathy in every body's tragedy
as we expel the things we build in this tree
the rain falls down to water seeds of future
fine tuning is necessary for the cure
every time i look back i become concerned
worried about whether or not i did things right
but i let it all out, no matter the night
catharsis builds in this translucent mind sate
as emotions slip and slide like they're on ice skates
having a skeleton on the inside makes us want to pry
and makes us venerable, easily we break down to cry
an apology can be sent in any form or fashion
as long as it was derived from the purest of passion
let the wings drop as the faces shovel out the distraught
feelings and emotions that fed this altercation
taking a three day vacation from the journey to those lips
of freedom and developing this relationship
humans are so easily tainted
distracted by making pain feel sacred
we all want to run sometimes
hell, even i have wanted to just fly
have set the battle tides, and used a bottle to resign
so lets spread a message that we can find
a new way out in these problems inducing doubt

so easily we run
when apologies make things right
that is how we conduct ourselves in the night
how we conduct ourselves in the night
its alright
its all right

~Long kisses in the rain...

Love,
Digress.

LOVE:

there's no stepping around it
i'm heartbroken and full of regret
can't avoid the thoughts about the talks
and how many words i want to express in the songs
but i've got "forget me" stuck on repeat
it plays as i bob my head to the beat
i wish i could look back and figure out the BIG SECRET
but it was so intense i could be part of that treat
easily forgotten and quickly left for dead
i hope i'm an echo stuck in her head
but i'm nothing more than rotting words left unsaid
something produced a spontaneous need to behead
what has become something developed over many miles unmeasured
around the world, sent from here to there
the messages were full of love, to die a death so unfair
its so awkward thinking to myself, never knowing my own help
i need somebody but there's a closet full of empty space
and it stare me down in the face, when i question any trace
how will i ever find myself to get up and replace
the words written remembering her grace
i assume she forgot all those late night talks
only to leave the memory out lined in chalk
laying on this ground, in the agony of silenced sound
evaporating slowing into the show that surrounds
life moves on as she piles dirt onto another mound
just another one put into the ground
place it with a headstone and leave it named "Unknown"
when did no words become such a powerful gun?
the position i've been placed in has lacked in fun
my pulse surrounds me as i collapse into the street
feeling like i've just been sucker punched and breached
if only an explanation could be brought forward
if only she would shed light on the situation so morbid
then possibly i'd find the right path to mark invalid
tonight i'll drown it out with alcohol and worthless sin
just to find my way back to where i did begin
what is the lesson that i learned?
that i should spend so much time concerned
when my mind runs it tends to overturn
and produces fantasies of folk lure

Nothing.
not a phone call or electronic message
or an abstract form of method
i should give up, this relationship has grown tempid
she knew i would have allowed anythings she vented
goodbye is my message
forget everything you knew about ME as a VESTIGE

~Becoming a vestige. i am easily forgotten. all i need is an explanation. f-this.

~Lumber hug.

Love,
Digress and the Irrational Thinkers Society.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A Mixtape.

A Mixtape.

1. Art Of Humility..................(Input)
2. The Nurse...........................(The White Stripes)
3. Tango Till They're Sore....(Tom Waits)
4. My Doorbell........................(The White Stripes)
5. Yesterdays News...............(Dirk Thornton [aka.] Buck 65)
6. The Bethune Theory.........(The Emotron)
7. Forget Me............................(Input)
8. Cry Baby Cry......................(The Beatles)
9. Out Of Focus.......................(Buck 65)
10. The Denial Twist..............(The White Stripes)
11. Lumber Hug......................(Time)
12. Hand - Replacement........(Subtle)
13. I Wanna Be Your Dog.......(Iggy & The Stooges)
14. The Union Forever..........(The White Stripes)



~Strange List...I Know...Maybe i'm just another weirdo. i'll turn this into a CD. it will be...

Love,
Digress.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Drifter

every time i make an attempt
run
every time i try to embrace
escape
and every time i try to
imprint
you forget

quickly we fall into
this
emptiness
trying to build myself up enough
to ask the
questions

this sinking feeling that i'm being
ignored
and the feeling that lives
have sunk
communication sends an
S.O.S.
and we all fall
D
O
W
N

slowly building
and quickly dying
kill it if you wish
because i have
no feelings

none

forget me quickly
and we can all move
on
this party ended
before it
began

invitations were sent to
nobody
but everybody
heard

~"This year we'll just let it die on its own." - Input (Forget Me)

Love,
Digress.

stopping the chorus

All of the city's fireflies were electric eyes. Everywhere that I would go; green and orange hellos. I couldn't sleep. I drew down the shades but they still peered in. I drew up the sun but the lights just folded their wings and waited to be painted, waited to color inside the lines. So I went to work where I was ironically one of the people responsible for managing the city's electrical grid system. I baited my fellow employees out of the room with promises of pizza, then went back to the massive control board and managed to shut off half of the city's lights before someone came in and stopped me. The darkness lasted about half a minute and I was fired and four people were critically injured in car accidents involving faulty street signals. But screw it. It was worth the thirty seconds that I could look out of the building's window and see nothing except for night sky and silhouettes.

Predictably, I moved out into the country three weeks later, saving up my unemployment checks and selling a few antiques. My daughter protested but I told her we had to go because daddy was becoming an insomniac. She said she didn't know what that meant but she did know that I looked tired. A sweet girl, she acquiesced to accept our leaving.

I tried to think of how to transport my grand piano but it wasn't worth the trouble. I left it for the overpriced maid that I couldn't afford to keep. She said thank you and immediately proceeded to tune the wretched thing, something I had never learned how to do.

Out in the hills and farms, even here, I could not sleep. All of the country's fireflies were buzzing eyes. They watched me in sparks outside my window every night, told one another jokes at the expense of my restless nights'. So I hired an exterminator to get rid of them. He said he would come in a week. I impatiently waited, and during that week my daughter had managed to collect every single firefly she could find and put them in a giant jar that must have previously stored something like boiled eggs or giant olives. She filled it full and hid it under her bed. The same night that the exterminator finally arrived (an hour late) she had collected the last chorus of lights. The exterminator told me there were no fireflies in my yard to kill. He seemed disappointed. I gave him some money for gas, at least, and he went on his hapless way. It was almost midnight by then, and for the first time in seven months I was able to enjoy a couple hours of soundless, lightless sleep, until the lid of my daughter's jar came loose under her bed and our house was lit up like a city.

I opened my bedroom door when I noticed a swell of viridity from the hallway outside. The fireflies were swarming in fluorescent blizzards. I could hear my sweet daughter laughing, wading her tiny hands through their illumination. We're back home, she said. The contours of her face shifted through shades of bright pond green from the lights shining underneath wings. Her dimples dried in lily pads, her hair swung down over her turtle eyes with vines. Home, I told her, was just a noun. She said she didn't know what that meant but she did know what right now looked like.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Dear.

dear aurora borealis,
you look good
day and night
when you're in my sight
everything is alright

dear ocean waves,
breaking on the beaches
you wash away the pain
and i'll do the same
you hide nothing but beauty

dear yukon river,
you wind and stretch
cover ground i have not touched
so far away
but i miss you every single day

dear islands of the north,
so intrepid and delightful
i want to explore your every shore
then tell you about the world more
but listen to your words you store

dear ocean bed,
i want to lie in your depths
curl up in your warmth
and rise the next day to calm the storms
then we'll sail the seven seas

dear wind,
nothing compares to you
or can commit to what you do
unique in every word you make me think
blowing even when you are weak

~i've been partial to... writing. more. love. poems.

Love,
Digress.

The Stairs.

when i get retrospective
introspective

i try to think of the good times
best lies

when i look back at the laughs
giggles of masks

i realize how much fun i really had
fun but sad

time to go away, move on with the daze
sun-set, sun-rise

another step higher, another step above
this has been enough

going back in time is not an option
lively-hood caution

i must walk away, and leave this day behind
these four years of mine

so much time invested, friendships lost and made
soon to just... fade


away...


goodbye Columbine


goodbye.



~Rather die than cry.

Love,
Digress.

Friday, May 18, 2007

tell me

what did you think?
just wondering.
i would love to know.
but im too shy,
to ask in person that is.
...
tell me?

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Yo Layba,

You told me to shut up and write so i did.
In this room of purple and yellow
is where my thoughts came to mellow.
I marvelled at your rhyme so sublime
and you challenged me to make mine.
I spit a rhyme that was one-of-a-kind,
an experience that will forever be in my mind.
In these walls i heard rhymes that were malicious,
they made me superstitious,
and when i tasted them they were delicious.
But seriously, it is in this room where we have grown,
and learned from what our class Dad has shown.
We learned from R.P. and Lance
as we watched words dance,
all with our trusted pen by our side.
Hey Dobbler, thanks for the ride.
Oh! 7 Forever!
-Boogie

soft spot

stop me.
right now.
i have got to put an end to this.
i cant keep crying.
i am such a wimp.
gosh, why do i have to have
a soft spot?
i feel replaced

I Love Your Game

Go ahead kid, i think that you're just another invalid
compare the money up with the amount of sin
and we can find out your end, before you begin
you were a fantasy that was written
and exploited until you had nothing to forget
step up i've got quite the set, for you and your regret
i'm not gonna throw punches unless you start building up the hunches
you've got a clue, i'll give you words until you break bonds like glue
i'm sick of you, and i'm sick of this output you force me to do
i say what i say because i think you're in the wrong mind state
a call from ground control to your space station brain
the signal has fallen below the line of lame
i would say you've got phallicisim to produce your fame
you're always willing to be part of this stupid game
when will you rise above the fact that you're deranged?
and give it up that you can't stop being material based
you are, to me, crazy and absolutely insane
all your friends are who you tamed
they only like you cuz you've got money to be claimed
just waiting for your old man to kick the bucket and you'll have it your reality frame
until then you freeload off of his success he made on streets of main
did you know it was something that i don't condone
there a lot more things i'd like to let you know
i'm gonna get them off my dome, and you can perform it in a show
because its the last day before i go, and now you think you can step in
like you've got the right to challenge me to a fist fight?
you don't have the gall, i'm not gonna waste my time producing your plight
it was out of your precognition, you have no foresight, nor hindsight
you just waste space and make no achievements, you couldn't make ME bite
so get something to your life that's worth the time
you need a hobby or somebody that cares about your tragic climb
you were born into the american dream
.........................HAW! HAW!
it was just a DREAM
WAKE UP SUGAR!
i've been trying to pull up your anchor
and now that i got your goat, i'll shove you into the hanger
to chill and relax, you need repairs to your anger
management possibly or perhaps a lobotomy
i'm pissed with your ignorant anatomy
your brain power surpasses the subjects of botany
plant life growing through the weeds in your roots
never did you know i'd melt your boots
then take off your belt and crack you in the personality that money did remove
when can we drop this war, let things move on from the ego that you whore?
tell me when you're no longer pretentious
and you've discovered a hint of your human inventiveness
then i'll embrace you as a brother, or maybe a son
until then you won't have any fun
and you'll continue to run, trying to prove your balls are bigger than the sun
tell me where that gets you and i'll show you a depressing sight
end this stuff.
TONIGHT.

i'm not gonna give you what you expect because, you are my hero
you let me know exactly down which paths, i won't go.

~Livid. and i feel like i broke some rules.

Love,
Digress.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

A Little Diddy About Museums

i'm weary of the museums
i've been wondering what they want me to see
behind these exhibits is a message that's unclean
a tainted view on life and directions they want me to lean
why does this happen to me? i'm always the only one questioning
down below that paragraph it says,
thanks for believing
love, uncle sam

~Learn-ed children. so smart, so smart.

Love,
Digress.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

OH! Seven

This is a sneak preview of my letter to Oh! 7 that will appear in the paper tomorrow. You bloggers deserve a preview. SHhhhhhh.


They said write a letter and I did and it sucked
so I sat back down pushed pen on the paper
and the bleeding began as I looked back at the year
and this class that I fathered (cuz dadded ain’t a word)
You 2 brung it all year in Forensics and Debate
I heard you next door
Kids with helmets and caps bringing home mo’ metal from State
Andres cult scored a perfect 1
And the musical? How do you get that done?
Tonelli’s talent show proved he ain’t no Holla Back girl
it’s like Columbine Idol but way more vital
cuz we voted to school kids in a beautiful way
And what can I say about the Curious Savage?
There was money in a bear some violin and piano
crazy people who were smarter than average
(If I don’t mention Schwartz, she’s on me like Tony Soprano)
The list of our teams that went to the playoffs
is proof of the payoffs
of what it means to work like a Rebel
No teams in Jeffco can touch our skills and get offs!
Where else do I start?
In medias res?
I know one thing for sure my flow is suburban
I ain’t no Digress!
It’s from the top of my heart. This is pure love
Not a cliché (like the bottom they say)
I needed to say it in a way you don’t hear everyday
This class of Oh! Seven has brought a paternity
Suit against me to bless me and
They say I am dad-like
but without the maturity
It’s awkward for me
cuz I know there are more
Deserving than me
like Friesen, Webb, Pruett and Coach Ivory “We Are” Moore
Nonetheless I’m grateful to win the Tom Tonelli Award
And before him it was Chuck Herring who answered to Dad
Heck, I couldn’t even carry his history book bag
Chuck was a man who taught teachers some lessons
Bout gambling and love and 9/10th is possession
Chuck made “shut up” sound beautiful and just beneath mad
Thank you Chuck, for laughter from jokes that were…well…bad
If Chuck Herring was a class dad
Then I’m nothing but a baby
In the tracks made deep for me
By a man synonymous with integrity
Peace out Oh! Seven
My flow is getting slow
Like Travis Duffy
Runnin the 40
But my love for you is huge as Hughes
And bigger than Ryan Miller shoes
And higher than Veronica Selzer’s class ranking
And sweeter than a cookie from McKee
Like a graduation speech from Samantha Murray
Like Lloyd Dobbler and his boom box
I gave you my heart…
Thanks for throwing
Yours back to me


Good Night Oakland

BRMC

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club is playing the Gothic Thursday night--I'm not gonna lie---I'm goin and it will rule. Sick Tight Dope=6th period.

Go out with a roar

Monday, May 14, 2007

Just Breath

Most of the time I let things get to me.
I am weak. Though I might not show it.
I'm sure most of you know it.
A simple outburst of word vomit,
Can just make my skin crawl,
Hair on my body raises to attention.
Ma'am yes ma'am.
My shell looks brave,
feels ashamed.
Teeth, white,
Though they hide my sorrow.
My jokes stink up the room,
As though they just got gassed.
Hand workin all day,
And all night.
Mind turning quickly to dust,
I know that I must,
Take it in,
Slow down.
Just
Breath.
In.
and,
Out.
In,
and slowly
Out.
Just breath.
Take a deep breath.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Votes Cast.

i didn't express interest because i don't want to manifest
i don't want to build up the pillows you use to rest
avoid this caution and you'll see how the crowd responds
use every trick in the book to break the train of thoughts
they rumble in the night, escaping all these city lights
shaking the cargo that surrounds the aimless skies
departing the system and all the laws of physics it abides
cuts like butter through the sunlit cheery lies
this train keeps a-runnin while people keep on sunnin
get so tan until you can't distinguish your face from the next of kin
a family affair when they board the train of constant sorrow
look back at the wills for tomorrow
forever it shall be, for never it shall see
and when that ocean swells up in front of me
i will give it a feeling of desperate reality
charging these uphill battles as if they were a battery
bombing down on these atrocities with one million millimeter artillery
did they look past the presentation of your fallacy?
putting it into context of your aimless victory
this is a precision win, but it only matters cyclicly
brunt of attack, the front, with all the accuracy
when did you attempt to circle around me?
A PINCER ATTACK!
now i'm getting it from the back
betrayal back at you, i'm on main drag
i'll get you in the polls and capture the vote of columbine knolls
this campaign trail has been set up so frail
give me something to eat that isn't so stale
win me, my heart, and mind
where do you stand with your kind?

votes are cast
be a fisher of men, don't fish trout with trash.

~Indecision with precision, way far away from my voting jurisdiction.

Love,
Digress.

Not The Air Farce.

the sky stands there
in front of me
and tells me these mysterious things
it is a quandary

the sky stands there
and watches the people
walking around doing their humanoid things
we are a quandary

the sky stands there
in pure misery
watching us destroy it with every chore
we are its god

the sky stands there
and changes and changes
building natural disasters and hold ups for humans
it is our oppressor

the sky stands there
ready, waiting, and watching
defending us from meteors, space, and asphyxiation
it is our god

the sky stands there
and remains still
while it ponders the next move
playing chess

the sky
is A God
we, the humanoids
is A God

~Hate ambiguous weather. love Colorado

Love,
Digress.

Healing Process

The tears wouldn’t stop.
Flowing down my cheeks, down my chin,
Onto the floor of the room that I was sitting in.
Tears of pain and confusion, but mostly fear,
I didn’t want him to know,
I didn’t want him to hear.

I’ve put this off for far too long,
I thought that I could forever be strong.
Behind my mask, behind my barricade,
The strength in me began to fade.
My walls were crumbling inside,
But that’s the thing I was good at,
From all my emotions and my pain I would hide.
I’ve been hiding from the truth,
And running from my pain for years.
I can’t run forever,
The truth is now showing through my tears.

I want to be free.
I want to rid of this feeling of being empowered over.
I want to be able to see,
that I can get past the things that were.
I want to * “wake up one day with no secrets; nothing held in.
Wouldn’t that be great? Can you imagine?” *

A long road awaits me,
And I know that it won’t be easy.
A journey has brought me to where I am,
Yet through it all, I’ve been a mere grain of sand.
But with the help that I’ve got,
And my path chosen,
I’ll no longer be that tiny, forgotten grain of sand,
Maybe I’ll hold the power of the ocean.
This time it’s going to be sweet success,
Instead of the familiar failure;
and so begins the pro-longed healing process.

* Quote from Leyba *

Friday, May 11, 2007

Catharsis

it falls out
uncontrollably
its a necessity
it pours from every
pore

un
...con
........trol
.............lably

~Release. we all need it.

Love,
Digress.

On My Mind

there's some things on my mind
i wish i was
near
so that we could
embrace
these things away

it was so so long
before
i heard back
in fact
i haven't heard
back
from you yet

and i'm still
waiting
and
hoping
you're okay

i hope
i hope
i wish
i could
kiss
this trouble away.

~It was dignified, but sterilized.

Love,
Digress.

The Best Time to be alone is never

You are amazing
all of you
I am feeling the weight of you preparing to leave
You each taught me something
Who is teaching who today?
Oh! Seven.

good night

what does it mean

I'm asking you to tell me, do you still care for me? This piece is for you you know who you are, riddle me this: how close together is too far? Does your heart ache, do movies play in your head? I don't mean to impose or hinder, to impede or to hurt. I only want to know, will time and distance glue us apart? A best friend walks through your heart so often, a path is worn...and a best friend gone is like a masterpiece torn. I'm feeling a little scared and I can only tell you, you know all that I am and this picture I drew. I so miss your words your thoughts your dreams seems your future is promising. do you forget me now? Syntax and spaces and punctuation are intentional rhyming is more than conventional to our lives we must be punctual. Us without us is something short of mere functional. Good bye and Good luck. Watch out for flying golf clubs...you might wanna duck.

With a smile in my heart
I accept now that we part.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Ramblings Of A Misplaced Young Man.

i want to be so many many things
successful at all the dreams
i'd like to strive to succeed
but i've a fear of these trees
i could branch out and achieve
but i feel restraint from the scenes
movies that seem to play my life
just like i need a match to strike
a flame to light up the night
and let somebody know about the strife
i'd have none of that delight
because i don't have their life

place myself in this box
of irrelevant jitters that talk
and words that simply mock
but that's what we erect
when the messages interject
its a poopie mess of reasons met
when will it finally leave us to collect
this life they lead from behind a pulpit
this man does not know, they do not see
where they complete this tragedy in humanity
its funny how things like that rhyme
life and strife, humanity and tragedy
calamity and sanity, tranquility and violently

we choose to live in adverbs
its true and it easily does concern
when will we step from the boarders we trap ourselves in?
look through the telescope for that progression
or perhaps you could take a step toward a lesson
we have to work for tomorrow
it seems we all want to cover up the past that's so hallow
step up, step out, and strive
because i told you, i don't have the drive
maybe i just need to find what lies inside
break down the walls of pride

these messages sent you couldn't regret
look past the things you see inside this scent
its a second message that you didn't really get
but you did
subliminal indeed, they've been planting this seed
don't let it grow, its nothing but a weed
chop it down, and find the right roots
pick and prune the plant of truth
harvest the flourishing fruit that blushes in the dreams
pick it, and make sure its sweet
because dreams were made for you to eat
for you to eat.

~They're making progress, without breaking ground.

Love,
Digress.

Freeway Dreams.

the freeway travels at all times
it won't ever stop
and it can't change
humanity
has made it
so so
permanent

the freeway is traveled
by people i'll never meet
and hold no admiration
because they are the same
insane
and won't ever change

the freeway is the way to travel
buses and cars block barriers
so we truly can't break through
what about the tomorrow?
revolution
is only sparked by a new idea

the expensiveway is the way
to live. to travel.
price is quality.

~Everybody is so busy in this slow building emergency.

Love,
Digress.

Swinging Emotions

I'm scared.
I'm terrified.
I just want to run and hide,
but I know running from my fears
won't solve a thing,
so I went down to the park to swing.
Swinging . . .
Thinking . . .
Wondering . . .
what if I never met her?
then I would've never met him.
He wouldn't have caused me
all these tears that I'm still trying to swim in.
All these things would've never happened,
so many things of mine
would've never been stolen.
Wondering . . .
what if I chose a different path?
would I still be dealing with all this aftermath?
what if I stayed strong,
and stood up for myself?
maybe I wouldn't be damaged goods,
just put back on the shelf.
Wondering . . .
what would happen if my story
could be re-written,
if I could forget all this,
and pretend it was fiction?
Screaming now . . .
pumping higher and higher,
tears falling from
my bright blue sapphires.
Screaming . . .
Crying . . .
I'm so afraid.
At times like this,
I wish I could be fearless,
instead of feeling helpless.
Crying . . .
Unwanted tears continue falling
without permission,
Stars: the only things out here
that are listening.
Thinking . . .
Swinging . . .
My legs hang limp,
I begin to get lower and lower,
My hands grip the chains tighter,
Stopped.
Eyes shut tight.
Maybe if they're closed,
this will all just go away,
but if I open them,
will things be okay?
Walking . . .
Running . . .
Through the dark,
I make my way through
memories and fears,
emotions and tears.
I'm terrified.
I'm scared.
Strength, I am surely without,
I guess my biggest fear,
is
being found out.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

A Stallion Nation.

i took those steps so slowly
i looked up at their majesty
it was just another flight
but these led to freedom
i had to climb them one by one
listening to the wind as it hummed through the jury's that were hung
there was a message that was being exhaled through the lungs
bent, prodded, and sent, they were so well flung
you might have thought we were hustlers, cutting all this mustard
this government fits you tighter than a leotard
would you drive me there before you told me how far
i didn't want the hourly rate, i just wanted to arrive at my fate
climbing these stairs in the hallways of freedom
a memorial for the long lost songs that were sung
two steps up and i forgot already, five more and i'll have a search party
the cause was lost
and we were betting on the jocks, the horses came in flocks
and flew away, its what we tried so hard to stop
but a pegasus has wings for a reason
just like an eagle falls bald to the treason
no more words for the message that are cooked well done
an expression can't be contained in the lines of pixels
but an entire generation can agree that sex sells
did you hear the inherited scars and stories that it tells?
what more did you ask for, inside these stair wells
we've all gotta show off our own personal hell
but was that what we were brought here for
so we could find out what's behind that fiery door?
it's parallel and its a stupid judgement we pass onto youth
how many more times will we fill their minds with faulty truth
we better send back the defects, because this batch is wrecked
and even if we do, we know this nation will continue to be cleft
between the right and the left
you better get some cleaner and clean that palette
this world has a nature of nurturing the phallic
and if we don't act quick, this eagle will drop us from the talon
work at it, and we can make this nation a stallion.

~D.C. Makes Me feel political.

Love,
Digress.

DESTINATION.

falling!
SIRENS
THE DESTINATION SO SO FAR FROM HOME!
butwhatwasitthatyoureallydidshow,empathy,orapathy,wouldyourealizethatit'salljustonelongdrawnoutemergency,hotelsmightadvertisethevacany,butthere'stoomanypeopleinsurgery,juniormintswillgetyoulikeaserpentatsea. A SERPENT IN THE OCEAN DEPTHS!
THRIVING
sea swells.

~I Don't Like the slow emergencys.

Love,
Digress.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Buildings I'm Distributing.

i'm building it up
brushing out and fixing those scuffs
i'm gonna get the sandpaper and begin to buff
polish it off and let the world know what i thought
i'm gonna see how far i bend just for the lesson taught
then i'm gonna take lots of candid snap shots
break away from the chain and the locks
then we'll compile the data in the stocks
send out a mailer to the complier, and see who knocks
this door that we present will soon to be for the scent
the odor that success produces, is here to help us bruise
the self esteem that the buildings produce
jump off the edge and see how far the ground gives
test the waters of live and let live
send the packages to brown and see what you give
the plastics melt and drip down the sieve
this atrocity that was produced by humanity
nobody wants to be inside their own body
and now we live inside these custom tailored mannequins
try on the clothes because being a glutton is no longer a sin
its the ten commandments RE-WRITTEN

1. do your homework
2. win every contest with a wet t-shirt
3. even in stifling matters you must re-vert
4. don't change
5. everybody but you is insane
6. don't try hard enough to hurt your brain
7. drink away every problem you can't stand
8. buy everything you can
9. allegories, similes, and parables are for books
10. everybody cares about your every look

this is the edifice of the human race
the tides that turned when we sped up the pace
and we took a look away from grace
now its all about the mind states
or the issues we seem to dilate
well its good, don't you know?
that we're living up to this so called show
and we don't ever know exactly what we know
so how can we ever break boundaries to grow
its a pride potential, and that's the first credential
how much do you know about your mental
this capacity that you hand out like rentals
hope to get it back, coming out like perennials
so keep on coming up
i've got social addictions to these drugs.

~It Blind sides you on some idle tuesday afternoon.

Love,
Digress.

tell me

tempted to put up my memior....possible?

Busy Mind At The Airport...

i'm at the airport
contemplating
how many people
pass
through

i'm at the airport
waiting for a plane
same plot, different sequel
a novel
to write

i'm at the airport
stressing my brain
for the words that i feel
right
now

i'm at the airport
with somebody in my mind
thinking about the seal
between
it all

i'm at the airport
watching all the people
rushing around like clowns
busy
or... are they?

i'm at the airport
and i'm about to board
and i wanted to tell you
just how i felt
but i was out of earshot.

~I Miss you all. Especially you. with a capital u.

Love,
Digress and the non-traditionalist

P.S. I'm an Iconoclast

self image

Fully recovered,
5,
6,
years.
Once as i describe,
wildabeast.
woof.
Now i cent help but look,
that black hole,
that once was so crule,
but now so,
so perfect.
I do not fear the.
Though it still could improve,
I see,
what i can really be.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

A Willaby Wallaby Woo

I wanna reach past the falls, their mighty walls. I wanna reach above the clouds, beyond the stars. I wanna reach that Champaigne supernova in the sky, way up high, with all my hopes and dreams. All the things that I live for, the goals I have that make me...me. The family I want to have, the kids I want to raise, the wife I want to love. Thats were I want to reach, I wanna step on the 'naysayer's' faces and laugh at their smirks. All the people that tole me no, they, they are who I want to show. I'll show them that I can, yes, I can. What will they think then? Thats what I wanna reach, the point of no return, sit on the mountain of life and yell in triumph. Most improtant of all though, I wanna reach utter happiness, with the cows and what not in the fields of dreams. I'll show that wall.

some silence would be nice

dang it must suck to be a gangster in a world of little baby playas. the talking talking, constant mouths running, confusing sex and lust with love and all the inclusions thereof. let's turn ten real quick and see if puberty hits in time to graduate this giant gymnasium of imsomniac Messianic archetypes (like the big brown beautiful boy). the blatant patience blows my mind and God I hope I was never like that. to all the big time ballERs that bow down and beautify the dirt road that these itty bitty bouncers dance down....here's to you: hey thanks

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Investigator

investigator investigator
why you always knockin on my front door?
i told you what i know, and i don't know anymore
leave me be, leave me be
investigator investigator

~Mississippi John Hurt playing in my headphones. it ain't bad.

Love,
Digress.

yEStERYEar