Martyrdom Before Chaosity

24 hours ago he was in heaven
24 hours after he’s in hell
What happened?!

Reality takes its course, cold as ice
Mourning bells toll their lament
Struck down by waves of torment
Martyred by the love nonexistent
Silence, since dawn immemorial
Silence echoes in his empty soul

Seeking solace from his solitude
He who loveth an angel shall fall
Such a dire predicament is his
So he turns to self-loathing
Hating himself to love others
Society loving to hate him
Until raptures flame out around him

The fires scathing those not he
Skies bruised black and blue; chaos
Pitched into an anarchaic state; worlds lost, dreams nightmared
Terror and demons walk and stalk survivors

An angel, alone, cries to herself amidst the devastation
The mortal martyr sees; rushes to save her
Murders of the flesh and mind happen all around
Raping the righteous of body and soul
Horrors see the noble cause of the hermit
Attempting to halt and remove both angel and man

Locked in the epic struggle for love or death
The lonely soul, feeling useless, gives it his all one last time
Fighting unarmed but the love on his side; a madman
Dancing with the devil for the angel to live, regardless
Satan intimidated by the lost one’s vengeance dealt, blow by blow
Crimson thoughts aflame with hope extinguished
But the blackest thoughts die then as well

At the end all is gone. An angel remains weeping.
Corpses litter the once picturesque landscape, fires burn
The sky starts to clear, the angel takes one last look
Remembering the man martyred to save her
Interring his body and entering his soul, sees his love
Undying, it now lives on in her breast, eternal.
Flying into the widening blue, happier an angel never was.

A Perhaps

maybe, just maybe, we should think

about a new revolution.

one for the children.

and

maybe, just maybe

we should begin to

adventure into new sights

and

maybe, just maybe, we could

try and overcome our emotions and attempt the

greatest disappearing act ever known

and

maybe, just maybe, we should...

kill everything

we've ever owned, loved, cherished, modified, scorned, worshiped, fondled, loathed, enveloped, initiated, completed, obscured, found, coddled, maintained, destroyed.

destroyed

destroyed

destroyed

destroyed

destroyed

destroyed

destroyed

destroyed

destroyed

destroyed

destroyed

and

maybe, just maybe, this

is all a

joke, played by hands of higher deed...

~Kleptomaniac--looking up all the facts. evaporating the green smoke stacks.

Love,

Digress                               (give ME three wishes)

Upon Hearing of Another Death Last Night

Everything stops for a moment - my vision is blurred by the wall of heartbreak that is threatening to fall. Struggling to finish reading the screen, I take a deep breath and I fall to my knees. Fighting - trying not to let the wall be broken - but it hurts so bad that no wall could withhold it. Like glass the wall is shattered and heartbreak streams down my face. Banging my fists on the ground and heaving in sobs - how could his young life be so quickly robbed? Face down on the floor drowning in the puddle of hurt that has surrounded me – treading, but giving up - it's getting too hard to breathe. Drawing in my knees so close, I hug them tight, feeling that there is no hope. I squeeze my eyes shut - trying to make this all go away... It's not working, it's not working - it's like a never ending bad dream, except this isn't a dream it's reality. A reality that is too present in my life. This can't be real. This can't be happening. Not again. Not another one - Lord don't do this to me. I can't take it again, the hurt is just too much. Aren't you supposed to show compassion and love? My figures increase no matter how hard I fight it - by adding this one - that puts me at eight. A number I wish could be subtracted by eight. My heart can't take this kind of pain anymore - there's no longer enough of it to even be torn. Picking myself up, I crawl across the floor, not stopping til I look up and turn - my back now against the door. Trying to convince myself that my heart is liar, the sorrow cascades down from my fading blue sapphires. Hours go by and I glance at the clock - It's early in the morning, the time's a bit after 2 o' clock. Tears still are still flowing so I bury my face in my hands......this can't be happeneing to me again.

The Unfamiliar

I’ve got it all figured out, here inside of my head. I’m gonna leave this town with nothing but the shoes on my feet and the bag that’s packed at the foot of my bed. By the time anyone realizes that I’m gone, I’ll be long gone – out of their sight - nothing but dust and the familiar behind me. Leaving behind the memories that have caused me nothing but pain – saying goodbye to the many reputations I have gained. No more being judged by the happenings of my past – no more waiting for the love from those who should love me first and foremost but don’t – among others in their lives, I am loved last. Getting away from all who have hurt me and torn my heart apart – carelessly they took it – broke it – gave it back to me a less completed heart.

It’s time.

I’m leaving everyone who knows anything about me in my rearview mirror. I’ll be nothing but a forgotten, given up on, prayer. The only thing ahead of me is everything I’ve never known. People who know nothing about me and can’t judge me based on my past – they won’t know me, who I’ve been, or who I want to be… they won’t have a previously known reputation about me, so I can be whoever I want to be. I don’t want anywhere I've been or anything I know – as long as it’s somewhere else – I don’t care where I go. The only thing in front of me is the car that isn’t driving fast enough that I want so desperately to pass – oh and the trees flying by, along with the not-so-green-Colorado grass. What road will I take and where will it lead? I’m not so sure, but a one way trip is all I’m going to need. A one way trip to I don’t know where – just as long as it leads me to nothing but the unfamiliar.

smallest love

Can we really saw that love is all you need to make it does it really out rule the cash money the cash to pay for all your sh*t is love money love hurts its never a doo hurt till you truly know what love hurts which heart and whos heart do you make her cry when you leave the room do you laugh at her when she is not around is there really no love at all because you say it and you dont believe it you just say it because it was what she wanted to hear you are a fool for telling her and you know its wrong a man loves a woman and and woman loves a man and you never will understand no love at all is better then sad love and mad love and no love no love is better then love at all you are going to be a poor old man with that ugly hat in your hand with no where to go and thats too bad you sir are truly troubled and its a short fall to your own hell a little bit of love is less then no love at all and i may believe that.......till it shows till it scream though your heart and you bleed my name i wont tell you the turth about him till you tell me the truth about your love its a question of the future your secrets follow you and ruin what i HAD for you period

On Wanting

You should say it everyday to have a happy one
I do it in spite of that
I always say it
and mean it
it's the thing to say when leaving
and upon first seeing you
after a long time
Saying it makes me weaker
and you stronger
causing me to wonder
who will stay this way longer
most don't feel this forever
but hope to...
It is the great human want
It is so much easier going in
than leaving it behind
because a failed one might
remind me of who I am
and how I we you failed
We tie esteem to this dream
and feel incomplete until
we achieve
One
where they don't leave

where

scared yes

nervous no

confused maybe

l

o

s

t

never

angry no

worried

why

never running

losing(myself)

to you

fighting

my fears

all i wanna be is honest

but sometimes the line between honesty and fallacy gets stepped over and faded and erased altogether. sometimes what i feel can hurt so bad while sounding so good

and

this is the part where i run and

breathe

I'm always waitin'

Wasn’t I waitin for the unexpected?
I always am…
I’m waiting on you to take a turn for the first
Stop being your comfortable worst
You’re so suburban-hard like mayonnaise
And in deep like a rat in a maze
Eatin and drinkin
the things you believe in
line your pocket
tiny and limited
Your morals fit in a first-love locket
No picture there
just the short list
You live by
simply chalk it up to
The world being against you
Poor you the only thing you have more
Of than self pity is more of you
And what about the her of you?
You use her and lose her and
Wonder why you have a rep
And she sits alone as empty as your conscience
While they blame her for what you did to her
So smile for the camera it’s as fake as your hair
Why do peers hate on you? So strange
How next year you are only a boy again
And she’s just a girl until she gets played
Again
I’m shakin my pen to make more ink
And wonderin why I’m wastin it on you
You don’t deserve me and Karma
Is gonna show that’s true
Pose-ter boy
Of unoriginality and immorality
You can’t even see you

Being in a Relationship

Sorry but my printer was giving me a ride today but my brother overslept and my jump drive got stuck in my friends backpack that he left in the library—not our library the other one we always go to when I have to work and take care of my sister at youth group but my teammates will tell you we practiced till eight and then my dad said I had to mow the lawn and I hit the dog with the mower and we spent the whole night in emergency room because my mom fainted when she got a call about my tardy could you fix that for me cuz I can’t drive my new car till you do and my mom sent you an email about how we can raise my grade and I need an A to get in college and my mom said she will call that in and besides I was absent so I get four days to turn that in and I swear you didn’t tell us that last week and I wasn’t here so if it was on the board I would have missed it anyway and could you write me a letter of recommendation for college and I need it by Tuesday and do you have that late work I turned in graded yet cuz I need it to raise my grade or I can’t play this week and mark it down if you want to cuz I don’t care anyway and I don’t know why you gotta make such a huge deal over a tardy anyway and the policy is gay and we should be treated with more respect anyway cuz we’re seniors hello so what if of my shirt has a beaver or a beer bottle and my eyes are blitzed and I roll in smelling like smoke cuz if you don’t like it then don’t breathe and I don’t gotta give no one respect till they give it to me cuz it’s all about me and fine I just won't talk

Reflections on a Monday when the Lord comes to Town

here then gone that's you
here then here that's me
blaming the world that's you
looking in the mirror that's me
but but but but and and and and that's you
been you seen you knew you know you that's me
pissed frustrated fearful done sorry full waiting that's us
shut up and write

Objectives

lean on me to lend to you a piece of honesty,

-Never forget that i chew razors of pithy words-

, On the tip of my tongue and on the point of my pen

there will be no dearth; there will be more than you anticipate (harsh as well)

And you will fall remorseful.  i will remain apathetic.

-i might have compassion sometimes, 

but not when it comes to this.-

~And i ask myself; Can i get the point across in seven lines? and i ask you; what do you anticipate?

Love,

Digress.

P.S. SOMETHING is coming... i dread it, but look forward to ITS arrival.

Class

We don't want to hear your excuses, s***. happens.
You hold up a stack of tardy slips. ha.

Want matters to you, matters to me
You want social acceptance, ironically I want the same

The bland modernism of monotone in your voice
gives me the decision to never speak in your calss again.

I will write, I will be silent, but I will yell.
Screaming my silence through words

the humor, I am begining to write

I Want This

I want this.
I want this more than anything.
I close my eyes,
I want this to be real, not just a dream,
I want this more than I wanted that passing grade,
more than I wanted my life to end when all seemed lost.
But why?
Why do I want this?
I want this for all the wrong reasons.

I want this so that revenge may be taken,
maybe not revenge,
but payback,
for what I've been going through.

I want this so that it may be realized how it has effected me,
I want this so it'll be obvious enough for anyone to see.
I want this because it will open up a pair of eyes.
I want this to be real,
I want this to be the truth,
I want this to happen -
so I can grow away from my old roots.

I want this to happen so I might be shown love -
a love that's never been shown to me before.
Maybe even a love that won't end with my heart torn.
I want this because he doesn't care what he's done,
I want this, even though it was more his fault than it was mine.
I want this so that he will finally have consequence for his actions.

I want this because it's the unexpected.
I want this for all the wrong reasons.
I want this because it's a challenge I haven't yet faced.
I want this because with my fears I will be interlaced.
I want this so that my stress would ease...
or would it just ease my mind?

If wanting this is wrong, then I'm wrong, not right.
I want this to prove that I can and will win this fight.
I want this so that my life would be changed for the better.

I want this.
I want this more than anything.
I open my eyes...
into a dream turning into reality.

I've Got Friends Out There

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

just like last
night and just like
all those other
times, spent playing
those god awful video
games
with these people;
people i've come to
loathe for their lack of reason
and lack of
disease.
sure.
they've had their share of
sicknesses, but
nothing like: my sickness.
my yearning
for routes that
travel past your globes
and into your follicles
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
they're not searching for
what i've been sent on this
earth to find.
they're looking for
instant gratification
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and i can't quite remember
what my heritage is.
am i alien? or am i
subnormal?
there's something else
there in my soul.
if i have a soul
but, i'm
just the new kid
on the block
looking for social divinity
and a beauty beyond the
back sides of slats
with plaster pushed through
and paint on the exterior:
i'm looking for a new New Orleans
a rebirth of modern culture
a purchase of territory for
$00,000,000.03 per cubic
MILE
i'm seeking the fresh
water whales of reservoirs
all across this flat planet
i'm looking for a new world
inside of this word
i'm looking for
the hidden messages
trapped inside the
dark lines that make
these letters that are
going into your
eyes right....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}
i'm looking to kiss
machiavelli;
that's my
aim.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}
now.

~no beat poet. no song. fighting poet.

Love,
Digress

P.S. I remember Travis, from ACORN. sleeze-lo-eze.