Remembering You

I'm remembering you
the way a foster kid remembers his first bed
The way an autumn leaf remembers green,
the way tigers in the zoo remember the jungle
Summer nights are so dark between firefly blinks
my heart is dark between the holes you left
remembering you is a smell and a word
a cactus spine i stepped on, stepped through
my heart lost its job when it couldn't pump for you anymore
i don't feel the recession in my bank account
only in my empty chest my empty bed my empty eyes
I see you in my hands lines zigzag and we matched
painted lines on our lines
yours were blue and mine were yellow we put our hands together and we were green
Green.
You promised our baby's room would be green because who wants a typical pink or blue room
anyways?
Said we could name them whatever we wanted and how incredible is that
Remembering you is gravel back yards and clothes drying in the sun
dusty dogs and ravine ditches
our spot was back behind the zoo away from the gardens
you always Sucked at romance
I see you when I close my heart at night
all lips and eyes and those hands that warmed mine
I don't regret you lover, I never could
You took a piece of my heart the way you bit into the first cookie I made you
took a bite said mmmmm baby. i'll keep you around
Sometimes lover, sometimes I miss your ungelled hair
I miss your morning breath waking up to me reading you a picture book
I wish I could frame your smile I'd tattoo it on my heart
You made me bold, we defied that word called "normal"
I tamed your wild when I let you hold me
introduced you to my teddy bear and let you curl my hair
played show and tell all night having flashlight bedsheet tent giggle fits
There's a part of me that went missing the day you left
like sunflowers follow the sun, always facing. facing the light
some days my breath can't find your smile to follow and it falls
falters, breaks, stops
but mostly
I carry my prayer.
Remembering you helps me see their faces better
These kids with scary futures and angry faces
"help me heal"
these babes answer my prayer daily
and you sit and tick tick tick time away
I miss you daily, forget you daily
"break me burn me leave me stranded....."
leave my heart in the mailbox when you're finished