The colors of my pain

This one is about myself for a change... Deceiving vision through
kaleidoscope eyes.
I see all future in line,
Scattered history.
All morals grounded,
No concrete concept is visible.
Archives of knowledge,
makes my life whole.
Though my locking jaw
And burning eyes deceive me.
My feet are bruised:
The universal truth of attraction.
Preventing me to move forward.
SoI sit in purgatory,
Victimizing my fate...
How typical of me.
Shades of another paradigm,
Yet this is all my life.
Why if one person paints black,
Do my eyes still excrete rust.
Your lack of life
Is not what I’m worth.
And fields of positive force
Pull from all corners.
Though my stubborn feet remain nailed
To my sacrifice
Of avoiding intuition.
Though its all behind me,
It can’t push me forward,
Without the power to heal.
While my life is waiting,
My past is knocking
To re-create itself.
And I must avoid temptation,
To love myself.
So why do I cry when they win,
Why do I attempt to lose
And always succeed.
How does hypocrisy get them ahead?
Why the questions
When the answer is
lack of courage.