Jenn baby you're not alone

This is a depressing one I wrote a few months ago. Gross.

I function from my heart beat,
Though it chokes when I hurt.
I grasp for comfort,
Knowing otherwise I lost control.
It bleeds red, black, and rust,
Though never loses supply.
I need fresh air,
My body needs a cleanse,
Of all the manipulation and knots
I hold in my chest, my gut, my head,
Of all the things you’ve turned on me.
You always say its me.
But I’m stuck in a cycle,
Its no longer you,
But my fear of my future.
I don’t want to be happy,
I want to stay here.
One more fall will break me down,
After all I’ve been through.
No longer can I try to lift,
The burden I received from you.
Instead I gave up, and I will waste away
In this cycle.

Amazing how much changes in a few short months. Geez.