boys and girls, college

this pill has lasted me, oh, about 10 and a half hours. and honestly, i'm still in a good mood. but what i am writing about is to tell what college entails.

i took this pill in order to finish a 15 page paper.
it was for cognitive science,
a piece on
cross-cultural and sex differences in frames of references, spatial perception and linguistics.

as i saved my masterpiece,
i referred back to the online syllabus.

and on that syllabus i found
the due date.

and it was on monday.
next monday.

and i took the pill to finish it for saturday.

and that boys and girls,
is college.

U S of A

                1

it is semaphore gore

on and off the screen

the images pour

right before we've scene

along the lines of kitsch

bloody murder winth

more feelings than fish

flash upon the city plinth

we hath not unveiled

any evidence of the lost

we'll keep our eyes pealed

for the life you tossed

                2

civil servants are wont

to seek the praise unearned

i know of one who does not tote

the laud which is deserved

tis not the learner's duty

nor the books he reads

to keep interest in study

a teacher must plant the seeds

to start a farm

land is not a contemplation

there starts the ball of yarn

and begins the fruitful gestation

                3

palpable and forsooth

living without youth

without a truth

keeps open minds at bay

so praise be to the U S of A

most know not why to war we came

some submit taxes were to blame

others say land did the trick just the same

and now we confuse freedom with fame

not knowing how like this we became

so hoping to imbue

a bit of light to you

might not leave switches down

and light bulbs with peal sounds

~Dear Kiki. dear diary. dear death. near seth.

Reverence,

Digress.

Human Tragedy.

We've been wasting plastic

on

trying to remember what Pachelbel's Cannon

sounds like

right now

Penderecki is convincing me

that Ghosts are not the

scariest thing

in the world

but rather that

the idea of ghosts

instil more fear

than anything

else

in these forgotten halls

behind the peeling paint

lies the answers

of when

it all went wrong

how the 

horror did erupt in those early

hours

men engulfed in flames

only fit for science fiction

a city of 200,000 being forced

from homes

houses

and livings

what horror did erupt

that warranted the forever abandonment of

100 square kilometres 

now there sits

a city of ghosts

on the river of vestiges

that feeds the lake of tragedy

and when the winds are high

there is nobody to shut the door

nobody to fix the breakers;

nobody to close the window when

the snow falls

nobody

living

anymore

~It's common.

Fearfully,

Digress.

Days Go Past

painting portraits of loneliness
coming across miniature gems of distant memories

~We look stupid... hail to Alberto Ascari; a true demigod.

Hate,

Digress.

investments

there is nothing like
like finding a real love,
nothing like a real person to love you.
grasping the meaning of your own life
and sharing it with someone else.
i now know what real love is like,
only to be adjusted for inflation,
like nominal income is on paper,
like inflation brings down the income about
4%.
only with this love,
inflation is -4
and love is not an expenditure.
like the congress makes decisions,
the democrats rule this nation,
heaven forbid this realtionship goes to hell,
just as i know our country will.
the man in charge of my heart is nothing
nothing compared to our new idiot president.
his job, as is mine to not change me for i am
perfect
the
way
i
am.
but as this country fades into nothingness
and the whole world falls apart
i know that unlike the massiah
he will protect me and never change anything
things are the way they are
like the economy is in shambles
my heart has gained 3000%
the market may drop
but all the more reason to invest in love.

She Moves Swiftly, Speaks Sweetly

She move swiftly to hit me and take me off my feet quickly
My first and only victory in my broken hearted history.
She speaks sweetly to greet me and take me back a step neatly
A mystery full of misery and contemplating chivalry
Knowing things I see will never really get through to me.
And that she will pay the greatest price, the finders finder fee.
Watching walls through telescopes, looking for your face
Holding onto hope that can’t last another day.
Forcing fading smile that were never meant to stick
Sliding by your heart, reverberating slick.
Losing sounds and losing ground on what I meant to say.
Slipping subtle supplements of her instead of you, never seem to change the way I see the morning dew.

You Couldn't Blame Her For Giving Up

She gets me, and the fact that I move nowhere quickly, and I try to move bur fall down slickly. No epiphany, just broken hearted misery of my own self tyranny, and not falling asleep briskly. So I contemplate amphetamines, and relapse hard on nicotine, and try to forget the broken scene of living with what I deemed to be the only way to ream the seeds of what I decided life could be. I want to move on, be strong for my mom and learn to live with a different song. But I sit, linger over it, and wait for sleep to come in fits. I cannot quit for fear that it will be over quick and ill care about something more than this shit.

200 mg

It's not that I haven't thought about it for awhile, or that I don't constantly think of it every day. But I was walking home, with some kind of girly shit on my iPod. It was good though, a good 2:00 song. Anyways, I get a kick out of those speed traps. Flashing at every car. And the leaves on the ground, so crunchy. The fact that I have business cards can never, ever stop me from crunching on those leaves. I even do a two-step, making sure I get that real curled up one. And I walk into my house, slide open the glass door. It's quiet. It smells like the Febreze candle I bought. Like $6. I'm out of breath, and I have an idea. I'm going to stop thinking. And then I think about it.

Smile at my answer, leave me laughing.

I've been watching your world from afar

by the way- vote for OBAMA/BIDEN!!!

I was out of your league....

and you were 20,000 underneath the sea, waving affections.

You were out of my league at a distance that I didn't want to see.

Down to the bottom, I wanted a junction, and often there was one.

You'd surface face first and we'd share thought bubbles.

And I still believe in the phrases that we breathed, but I know the distance isn't fair to cross.

I was out of your league....

and you were 20,000 underneath the sea, waving affections.

You were out of my league at a distance that I didn't want to see, wanted you nearer.

Your depths made a pressure that punctured my works and all your fluids couldn't tolerate the force of my thirst.

I love the place, where we shared our tiny grace.

But just because it's real don't mean it's going to work!

I was out of your league....

and you were 20,000 underneath the sea, waving affections.

You were out of my league at a distance that I didn't want to see, wanted you nearer.

And true affection floats.

True affection sinks like a stone.

I never felt so close.

I never felt so all alone.

I was out of your league....

Cossonances of Disaster

bringing you to the brink of boundless energy

showing and not telling you the affects of my madness

psychosis sets sounds inside the soft tissues

grey matter dies when bodies dangle from aortic tension

lilies lost in the loving of last lines

crushing the doubts of finding sole mates

touching toes in shoes for those experiencing throes

of teenage love washed up on seas saltier than tears

rivals writhe with rife ridiculousness 

today will be the cornerstone of my disappearance 

because brotherhood is bothering the best blisters

growing up will never be so dark a closet

bleaching bodies with boldly belted baritone bouts

last screams are fornicating with the strangled dreams

conforming to the continuity conducive to connivence

conning the family that never supported the endeavour 

standing for self serving subordination

proving that playtime is the best time for planning

lingering in thoughts of living loves and loving the un-living

tomorrow will dawn and the dead will be forgotten

leaving letters leading to the living ludicrousness

ne'er impacting the world leaves me alone

depression dips deep in the drawers of destiny

and we shall see the darkness' impotence

~Where do you go when your sun has set? scales of one to ten--how uncomfortable are you with it?

I have homework for you.

Give me reading:

Love,

Digress.

Second Hand

they are times likes these that

I think of

Richard Wagner

writing Siegfried Idyll

and of

Van Gogh

quickly removing an ear

I think of John Donne

using a flea to express

himself

I think

of how I am

so compelled

by the way you breathe

when the moon has not yet 

risen 

but the sun has completely

set

and how your concealed legs

take the shape of 

a Mediterranean paradise

and the

way dessert is

so many

times more comforting when

we make it

together

and then

they are times like these

I realise 

mornings can sometimes be greeted 

with

open arms and black pupils

~Tchaikovski (Чайковский). and benadryl.

Love,

Digress

A Key Please

on the brink of time 

finding success in distance

never to admit

one steel rail stretching

from socialism to pain

establishing forever

lost inside last place

found in the vertical space

dividing today

~tomorrow forever. No Longer for i,

Love,

digress.

No More Love And i'm Still Standing.

looking past the iron-clad lamplight

above--an expansion of vacuum.

~forever home.

Love,

Digress.

run red lights

slowly losing time;

alcohol punishing dreams--

tomorrow is lost.

~Cruise missile.

Love,

Digress.

Чернобыль Сказание

dust rises while buildings crumble;

canyons answer with cavernous echos

~Crisis.

Love,

Digress

halfway whole

you know when you squeeze a sponge and all the juices of the kitchen-world that have been slurped up in the past...forever....gush out like shaken soda exploding;
like pushing the elevator button and waiting on the 99th floor;
remember how it feels to wake up in the middle of the night with a wet pillow and swollen eyes because that dream-image was oh so real;
and thinking you can you can you can....but then you really truly honestly....can't;
can't you imagine spilling your guts and being so politically INcorrect that they have no choice but to look and stare and say "oh my";

i guess what this jumbled mess of similies and subtelties and (un)certainties points to is that feeling when you feel so dead inside that when things break down, CRaSh, and buRN, you realize that a long time ago you stopped forgetting to care and...and maybe it's time to remember.
when you're fighting, pushing, playing that tug-of-war of wills and pride and who can spit the meanest s*** and all you, I, can think is i'm so tired and trying to cry with a depleted supply of emotion tears
how many times can a human heart (love?) be twisted, tested, cheated, betrayed and abused, before it stops hurting, stops threatening to tear them (me) apart and just keeps on beating with the same thud-thud...thud-thud it had before you even knew about that fanciful fascination in the art of feeling



how long can you fake it

Hundred Proof

burnt flower petals

, severed family bow-tie

, holding stick ups

in the form of date rape drugs

; black eyes for the last life

, tear gas ducts full of

salted seas

, soiled soil with no laments

--a threnody in what we say

past times

and last lives

; shattered for the first times

and this was the fresh fallen powder

marching through april weather

--we fit inside the same sweater

stretched to strangle the 

inventor.

Broken glass

and outside my window

is the awful depiction of you

and all i see is

truth. 

i've been spending my nights

in brightless lamplight

writing the suffixes of vampires

bleeding for the starving writers

who know not their desires

but what death

inspires

.

i'll die of T.B.

and you'll live on without me

.

welcome one and all

to my co-dependency

; i break safety sun-glasses

with the poise and passion

of the rebel football team

go ahead--step to me

, i've got a scalpel

and flesh as soft as precious metal.

Staple brains shut

stable veins touch

on the matter of fact

tap into the right picket front line of

defense

it's a homeland security breech

spies are on my mail

and

everything i write

is

translated

to braille.

insufficient funds

to replace

my fun

; i drink up to one-hundred-and-fifty bullet proof

in attempt to school

and drink

to you

under

the table you 

just

can't consume

.

rap right

and you'll

never

see the

light

.

~Touch what you think about. overstand homie?

piss off,

Digress.

I promise I didn't realize the connotations of this until after my professor read it out loud..

We played "telephone" in a class of about 18. My professor gave us a sentence of the first line of a poem. As it progressed, we came up with the fifth line of the poem. Much different from the first. Anyways, we used some sound in the poem and this is what, unfortunately, I innocently came up with. And I turned bright read after he proclaimed me "the best erotica writer he's ever had."

Untitled

Take stock of the rail yard and the smoldering sagebrush
Instead of pounding down ale after a game of frisbee;
So drunk the Grandfather clock fails to warn the men of the blushing
Young tart nearing an orchard to bring the boys something hairy and free
Tick-tock eating a peach, hanging in a tree.

God?

My Religion has failed me.
No longer am I a dropdowntomykneesinthemiddleofchurch kind of person.
Praying has seemed like a waste of time.
Theory states: one clings to ones religion because of needs; most common,
love.
Theory states: one who has no self confidence tends to cling to religion;
Theory states: we are religios because we are fearful, this is how we manage
terror.
Terror management. Like AA but you aren't drinkin.
So there for I question my "religion",
I believe, but I don't.
Now, doesnt the Bible say that or something along the lines of;
if you tell Him your hearts desires and whatnot, they shall be given to you?
Well i'm pretty sure that he knows;
then why in hell have I not gotten any of them?
Combat;
you could go in a believer and come out not...because if God is sooooo good, then why are you there in the first place? Why did he send you there? Why cant he protect the people that are dying right infront of you?
you could however go in not believing in a higher power, and become a walktothefrontofthealterandraiseyourhandstotheskyfornoreason kind of person.
Who am I to say?
I dont know whats real.
But believer I am no longer anymore.

Worth

The concrete pulls down hard on my deep breaths
inhaling violent smoke rings, lit by the pit of
an olive in my stomach

Ripped journals contain quotes of a time when
lilies floated on the neck of a wine bottle; a game of Twister with only dots
of red, striped sheets

But underneath the staff you hold, I cannot manifest how
my badge became so tarnished with spaghetti sauce
after an overheated attempt at cooking.