The inside of my head. Today at least.

Yet another one of lifes trials upon my doorstep.
I think i must be on the top of God;s priority list and that he is teaching me a thing or to about faith. Faith in his plan for all our lives. It was so hard for me to buy into any of that.. For a long time and now I am a testimony. So my days have been weak lately... truly i am being held hostage in my own home. I guess i just feel disconnected which isnt a really uncommon feeling. My heart seems to beat a little bit faster when the topics of college, future and graduation cross my mind. I think im just worried that I have no control and these things will slip right over my head. I think quite honestly that i have had it easy for awhile. My life didnt seem as tragic as everyone made it out to be. And i liked that i felt strong enough to handle everything that was laid upon me. However, in a moment it was out of my control. I have to wonder if everyone gets a really big taste of life at some point to ensure its realness. And if thats true than here i am in the midst of mine.
I think the greatest memories I have from post senior year are mostly jsut being free. Freedom is the greatest secret to high school. Its almost like were old enough to know how to start having fun but young enough that we dont have to take any responsibility for all the stupid crap we come up with. Being in the car on cold nights and having no where to drive to, listening to the same song over and over agian at 3:38 in the morning because you cant get enough, and waking up from a night that should have never ended. These moments are what highschool is about. What we dont realize is that by not protecting ourselves these nights disapear.
One of the best nights I can remeber was as stupid as a night at my friend Laras'. Summer before last me and my close group of 6 met up at her house for our usual nights of thinking of something really fun to do. The night ended with the six of us lined up on the 7th or 8th hole of the golf course that connects with Laras backyard up in Willow springs, with a big blanket. My friend Josh and I had every intent on making everyone sleep there. We ended up here after a good 3 hours of riding around on golf carts and crashing lara's moms golf cart into a fence. I remeber laying there on the grass with Josh on my left and Lara and mark somewhere near my head and thinking I might actually fall asleep out there. Mid thought.. The freaking sprinklers turned on and there was about 50 feet between us and Lara's back yard. It was such a simple night but for some reason i dont think i will ever forget it.
I wish i thought this blog had any real meaning.. I just thought i would pick my brain with all of you.