Entitled

Nobody really knows

The pain she feels when she goes to bed

The things we see when it's all in our heads

But I know

I know

I know.

There's just too much going on

And there're so many people to please

She thinks she'll just hang around some more

I've got to go

to go

to go.

She calls on me in the darkest of nights

The shadows cast keep the memories alive

There are so many secrets I could tell

But I won't

And I won't

And I won't.

Take what I need for my disease

And tomorrow I'll be back again

This is the life she knows I regret

But I can't

I can't

I can't

Turn back

~Note, Letter, Smoke Signals, Text, Email, Tweet, or Myspace Message; Phone A Friend.

Bullocks,

Digress.

Chasing Women

Sweet birdy,

"Can I call you?"

"Yes but not now, I'm still finishing a pint"

she calls anyway

"Listen, I'm still at the pub, let me ring you back in five."

20 minutes later

I arrive home.

"Hi birdy. How are you?"

She hammers on about her ex-boyfriend

The things he's been doing

Asks my advice.

I don't want to hear it

I don't want to give any.

"Listen, I'm going to throw up.

I'll text you in the morning."

I climb the stairs

Place my head in the bowl

and release.

I wake up fully clothed

Feeling a little too much

Like Bukowski.

~Just a dood.

Love,

Digress.

Night of Nights Day of Days

Another sunset on this city,

Your memory melts

Into overexposed evenings

Spent drowning in gin

But Every time you walk

Through that doorway

I cannot help but see yesterdays

Breaking like restless dawns

Tomorrow is a shadow

This city is a tornado

The horizon is hopeless

Mirrors reflect hell

Memory recognises nothing

I awake from a nightmare

With two options

Stay or go

~Will this turn sweet?

Love,

Digress.

This Is Caustic

I have faith

That this is something I will never recover

I have acted haphazardly

An inane lumberjack

chopping down

A forest of friendship

I look back

On a landscape of stumps

And destroyed habitats

This is who I really am.

~My shadow refuses to follow.

Love,

Digress.

Petite Le Mans

Dead

On the back straight

Two turns left.

Running on fumes the last

10 laps.

An upset title

In the fingertips

And like the afternoon

Of yesterday

Victory and

The last drip

Drops of petrol

Burn away

Leaving only headlamps

And the

Roar of the others

Piercing the

Autumn evening.

~ Sad to see you say good bye like that 430. Hello 458.

Love,

Digress.

I Once Loved Woman

She reaches

Across the bar and

Grabs both my arms,

"Even if she left you,"

she said,

"I can tell that deep down you're

a good guy."

"Ha!" I reply,

"Deep down

I'm a Dirty

Old

Man

Enticing you to whisper

What you never thought was possible

Deep down I'm only here

To make you fall for me

Then kick you whilst you're down,

Deep down I'm as cold as

The bottom of the ocean

Waiting for the shipwrecked

Bodies to sink

I am the callous wind

Howling through

The telephone wires carrying your message

I am a tearful good-bye; I am

The whispers of yesterday's news

Breaking the bonds of tomorrow

Deep down I am a broken heart

Dragged

Through the shards of a

Chalice's promise.

Deep down

No.

I am not

A good man."

~Look, No Hands

Love,

Digress.

Climactic.

It was the next day that it began appearing in the sink. Each time I turned the taps to the faucet, the water would run normally. I doused my hands. I washed my hands. I closed the taps. Each time, I'd look down into the porcelain bowl and there it was. It had the texture of mucus, with the exception of yellow, the colours were never the same. Strands of green and white, blue and orange, red and brown. It was like mutant Aquafresh. Each time after shutting off the taps, it would linger, stare back at me. I lost my patients with it, turned the taps back on and washed it down the drain. It only appeared those two days. It hasn't been back.

~Living Alone, Lonely, Far Too Long.

Kjærlighet,

Digress.

Rough Year.

24 hour news television,

Firearms,

Cookie dough, and

Brandy;

The only things to eat.

Her broken wings

Chained her to the ground.

I gave her time to heal

And she flew away.

Sweet bird.

Fly south.

Good-bye.

~There's got to be an app for that.

Kjærlighet,

Digress.

Sweet Talker.

A million smiles painted

On the ceiling of a night sky.

A wink carried

On the breath of the forest.

A kiss in the darkness.

A glimmer in your eye.

This is affection.

~Now everybody knows.

Love,

Digress.

Favorite beverage: water

I've found a new muse in you
I collect all my broken pieces and you tape them together
this first re-attempt will rightly be messy
jagged around the edges and slightly sharp at the corners

and beautiful

I'm
seeing
me next to you.it's bright like summer strawberries
I'll wake you up with kisses every morning
make you blueberry pancakes and stare into those bright blues
you have a special talent to stir up those butterflies in my tummy

This is redvelvetcakeicecream walking through a harbor town
it's favoritecolorblues and slaphappyhangovers
it's sharingcrutons and grumblybear look-a-likes

If this isn't love...
I never want to know what love is

I am.

Like stained glass shards

Filling this tumbler.

Like the broken bones

Protruding from my legs.

A cricket calling in the infernal night,

A cicada calling in the futile daylight.

The slow steady walk

Of respect disappearing.

A bardiche

In the hands of a silhouette.

My memory ashamed

The ghosts of yesterday creep through the window.

Your name floats

On a turbulent ocean.

I put a shipment of kisses and apologies

Onto a paper boat.

Like an afternoon saying good bye

That boat sails out of the estuary.

~Adoration of a ghost.

Love,

Digress.

Beware the Ides of Augustus.

The Ides of August.

A parade of armour.

My death on the tip of the xyston;

My blood drips love letters

Onto ivory papers.

Notes stuffed inside of glass envelopes,

Deliver themselves

On the whispers of the wind.

The gales push against your window

Eyes press against your body

A look of contempt from across the universe.

The Nova agrees then bursts;

A thousand shards of agony

Stretching from the Fornax Dwarf to the bottom of this bottle.

When the flag stops wavering

In the turbulence of your love

I'll put the cap back on.

~The Grand Tour.

Love,

Digress.

Something About You

Standing at a fountain in Reykjavik

Making a wish out of

Clowns, mud,

And grass stains.

I will pay the debt of Prometheus.

Only then will I be absolved.

~Pay a penance for piety.

Love,

Digress.

Stretching Yesterday's News.

Fish swim through broken glass

Wounds bleed laconically,

I will plough through the reeds

Hearts will melt in my hands

Afternoon suns will die in my eyes

And we will wait for-ever

~Disappointed in your behaviour.

Love,

Digress.

Canto of Echos

The boy opens the hatch on his chest.

Like a broken dam

His silhouettes cascade onto the brilliant afternoon.

The boy sees fence posts

Extending a greeting of agony

To the infinitude of imperfection.

Oceans of grass ignore the sentiment;

Painting envy

Across plains of infinity

Around the stillness of every twisted moment.

The sun walks across the sky slowly.

Like a caution

Hollered from peaks of rolling hills.

The boy hears the wars

Behind the closed doors of voices;

In the balcony above rhetoric.

Windows are closed

The latches are turned;

Subversive whispers

Echo off the panes.

The Earth leans forward over the void.

Gripping handrails,

Tracking the shadows of mysteries.

The boy feels the suicides

Creeping across the mirror

In morning hours.

The hands of the clock

Still like fence posts

While bed sheets crumple

To conceal the ashes of the boy's shadow.

Waves bludgeon the rocky fringes of hometowns.

Like the discordant emotions

Shredding bodies on precarious cliffs.

The boy watches sanity

Slip away from fingertips

Space and time evacuate in twilight.

The ocean of the mind;

Unexplored, abysmal,

Tragic waters that stir

Beyond the sky's green hands.

Stars fade and planets die.

Evaporating along

A staircase of impossible depths.

The boy dreams of misery and rancour

Hallways gape with unending solitude

Lined with one hundred towering faces

Opening like doors.

A collection of keys,

Skeletons and octaves,

None that will fit the lock.

~ Only listen.

Love,

Digress.

Inquiry of The Sphinx.

The rooster calls from behind the veil

The city stuffs the white sheets of sleep into its shadows

The streets shine with caution and opportunity

The woman walks, her mouth filled with hope

The tumblers sit empty, dirty, forgotten on the counter.

The breeze inhales the still life of for ever

The prairie lies in wait, eager to pounce upon a shadow

The parasols slowly yawn open

The boy on the stoop tightens his crisp shoestrings

The tumblers, an afterthought, are cleaned until a shine resides upon their walls

The sleepy progress of the sun displays its plumage

The unbearable shadows of dusk arrive

The flowers bid a salutation to the waning sunlight

The smells of evening drift in like shadows through open windows

The tumblers are frozen and filled to the brim then sucked upon

The royalty of the sky meet at the black round table

The streets mourn for yesterday

The depths of this bed live for ever

The people walk down the shores of sleep and into the seas of dreams

The tumblers are set empty onto the counter.

~Will you go hunting for the marshmallow coast with me?

Amor,

Digress.

Reaching Down for the Whispers of a Shadow.

At three in the afternoon the bell chides like Velcro peeling apart

At exactly three in the afternoon the sun reaches down with the legs of a spider

The locusts creak; uneasy in their skeletons;

They leap

From edifice to edifice

Weltering in the stillness of the spider's legs

As though stillness produced a quake, a quiver;

A terpsichorean trauma

All things moving to escape the stillness

Knowing that no saw or sword

Could free the heart.

The katydids move with diligent sorrow

They are conscious that the stillness is upon them

While feasting

The katydids hear the branches whisper

And they echo the message;

No challis will hold the heart.

~Yo. ¡Sólo yo! Labrando la bandeja donde no irá mi cabeza. ¡Sólo yo!

Amor,

Digress.

Lotus Blossoms.

The Lotus beckons

Like the docile streets of night

The Lotus beckons

Out in the square

Voices carry the luggage of a hundred travellers

The buckles are about to burst!

Love walked away with 30p

Autumn dances an endless waltz with the Breeze

The Breeze leans forward and runs his fingers through Autumn's grasses

Out in the estuary

The chimeric song of an open flame

Echoes against the cliffs

The trees gaze down on the tide with looks of empty clay jars

Ocean blows a kiss to the Moon

The Moon hugs Ocean in an embrace that stretches from Monday to Wednesday

In the streets of towne

The buildings squint through the night

Watching the vagrants pass

The beldames sweep the broken spirits from East to West

Dogs howl at the Abyss of Stars

The Abyss of Stars listens with the ears of galaxies.

The Lotus beckons

Like the docile streets of night

The Lotus beckons

~Sharpen The Saw.

Loves,

Digress.

Like Love, The Archers Are Blind.

A black leopard sings the song of the sea

A photograph of silence

Rests against a wall of deviance

Broken glass scrapes against eye lids

Echoes caught in sinking seines

Delivering a bounty of broken wings and frozen time.

A white leopard sings the song of the stars

Scything is the memory

Calling alone from the balcony

Still and without fruit stands the tree

Night walks down cobblestone streets

Overwhelming kitchens and fortunes.

A kodkod sings the song of the moonrise

A purse of fears

Envelops the broken mirror

The lotus quickly learns to revere

Wax and wane metamorph through the nights

Abandoning the fortress and the light.

~La escala llega a la luna. Córtame la sombra.

Love,

Digress.

35

I wish I could tell you...
that your anger is misplaced and you are so much better than that
that you are beautiful and those hurtful words will fade with time
I wish you knew that your success is in your hands
and you are so capable
I wish words could explain
how worried I am about your future
such a good kid in such a scary misguided world
stuck in the inbetween

Be yourself.
Please.
Be yourself.

Your innocence is so precious - treasure it
keep throwing frosting and swinging on swings and being grossed out by body parts
When I say "sit safe" I mean "I love you" and "I am watching out for you"
Your intelligence is a gift - treasure it.
Your smile makes my exhaustion disappear - wanna read to me?
When faced with the choice between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Choose the doctor
Replace that swagger with square shoulders and a head held high
Never stop excelling.
Your silence is compelling - it makes your voice sweet and rewarding
Always ask for a hug
discovering yourself is terrifying
but hiding from yourself is much more difficult
Never grow that mean bone
If I could bottle up some of your quirky sunshine
I would carry it in my pocket every day
I hope your judgements of people are always as simple as
"Whoever's name I pull is really weird...or really awesome"
Some people might think You are really weird (but I think you are really Awesome)
Please try - with everything you do, do your best
Keep asking others to play
Choose your friends wisely - beware of "guilty by association"
Never ever call yourself stupid (or at least don't believe it)
Be confident - you have something to contribute, even if you don't know what it is
You are priceless.
You are beautiful.
You are smart, funny, incredible...
You touch my heart daily.

It Is On The Surface.

It rained for days.

And everything was

Wet

Wet

Wet

And

I went and lay down

Face to the sky

Mouth open wide

Rain pouring in

In hopes I would

See the reaper

In the field,

Coming to harvest his

Wheat.

No

Such

Luck.

For I have angered the gods.

~Sad Prayers For Guilty Bodies.

Love,

Digress.

J'ai Pas Peur.

I've been trying to write letters but

All I can come up with are

Callous postscripts and paper cuts.

These messages go un-read in my

Un-sent box.

The tearstained papers with empty passages

Bleed their ink on my desktop.

When I try to wipe up the blood,

The letters I wrote with hallow quills

Stain my hands.

Under these dim lights

The messages creep up and

Re-create themselves

Into the shape of

Sinister post scripts

And you can see on my face

What I forgot to mention.

~Drawers full of broken wings.

Very Truly Yours,

Digress.

Trying to let you go, one last time

Don't blame me for the contradictory after thoughts, they were just the pictures drawn from ill advised connecting dots. You should have guided me as we moved further down the page, but the image meant for happiness now looks more like rage. Easter a year ago, the day you let me go, but every single day that night grows as an obstacle. I hide the cigarette i'm smoking as I'm smoking for your memory, I've just moved it from the hill tops down to the balconies.

Writing has hit a wall, and it's all her fault

Pallor of the Afternoon Sunlight.

We are overexposed

my daydreams have purpose

you unhealthy distraction

I want to exchange embrace

for what is yet to taste

I see the expression on your face

I feel the sensation of your place

I want to be wallet-sized

take me along on your car rides

tell me secrets from your past lives

meet me on my doorstep when you arrive.

~Keeping it simple is very difficult.

Love,

Digress.

Sightful

I'm no stranger to the rain.
The key to mother nature is in reach,
she has given me the key.
My emotions can be seen.
Open your eyes and you will see,
moods wander about the seas.

I am Attracted to Morbidity.

I want to hear the dark

Grimy

Dank

Voice of the underappreciated.

I want to see the morbid

Disconcerted

Languid

Thoughts of the lonely.

I want to feel the strained

Carnal

Sadist

Gaze of gunmetal eyes.

I want to smell the tragic

Ragged

Destructive

Ambivalence of the huddled masses.

I have a sense of lugubrious

Stark

Charred

Anguish for your blood-stained heart.

~I want something that will pull tears.

Love,

Digress.

Purloined Pencils Strewn About

Purloined pencils

Write the best stories.

Tell the best stories.

I have hundreds of pens,

A few pencils, and a few stories

But I didn't steal any of them.

~Arms thrown up.

Serenity now,

Digress.

I wanna write a letter

Dear Writer,

Write a letter.

Remembering You

I'm remembering you
the way a foster kid remembers his first bed
The way an autumn leaf remembers green,
the way tigers in the zoo remember the jungle
Summer nights are so dark between firefly blinks
my heart is dark between the holes you left
remembering you is a smell and a word
a cactus spine i stepped on, stepped through
my heart lost its job when it couldn't pump for you anymore
i don't feel the recession in my bank account
only in my empty chest my empty bed my empty eyes
I see you in my hands lines zigzag and we matched
painted lines on our lines
yours were blue and mine were yellow we put our hands together and we were green
Green.
You promised our baby's room would be green because who wants a typical pink or blue room
anyways?
Said we could name them whatever we wanted and how incredible is that
Remembering you is gravel back yards and clothes drying in the sun
dusty dogs and ravine ditches
our spot was back behind the zoo away from the gardens
you always Sucked at romance
I see you when I close my heart at night
all lips and eyes and those hands that warmed mine
I don't regret you lover, I never could
You took a piece of my heart the way you bit into the first cookie I made you
took a bite said mmmmm baby. i'll keep you around
Sometimes lover, sometimes I miss your ungelled hair
I miss your morning breath waking up to me reading you a picture book
I wish I could frame your smile I'd tattoo it on my heart
You made me bold, we defied that word called "normal"
I tamed your wild when I let you hold me
introduced you to my teddy bear and let you curl my hair
played show and tell all night having flashlight bedsheet tent giggle fits
There's a part of me that went missing the day you left
like sunflowers follow the sun, always facing. facing the light
some days my breath can't find your smile to follow and it falls
falters, breaks, stops
but mostly
I carry my prayer.
Remembering you helps me see their faces better
These kids with scary futures and angry faces
"help me heal"
these babes answer my prayer daily
and you sit and tick tick tick time away
I miss you daily, forget you daily
"break me burn me leave me stranded....."
leave my heart in the mailbox when you're finished

Sunny Afternoons Are

The final tightening turn

of a screw

The sound of the shutter opening on

a single-lens-reflex camera

The steam from freshly-cooked Penne pasta

poured into a colander

The distant whistle of a train horn

while the stars set and the moon dies

Opening the door in the early mornings of September

to find Katydids crawling on your house

The first cut into a rarely cooked

18 oz New York Strip steak

The way your hand fits into mine

as we walk around the park

A white Ferrari in 2nd gear at

8500 RPM

The heart throbs and beading sweat

after a five kilometre run

Purchasing something worth $24,000

in cash

The difference between an Australian accent

and a New Zealand accent

Crisp, light, and cool white sheets

enveloping a body after a long day on the beech

Frogs croaking at midnight

on an idyllic shore

Pulling a friend to the next

bracket of success

Grabbing the gearshift, depressing the clutch, relaxing the throttle,

then pulling down on the knob for a lower gear

Witnessing the master-slave dialogue in

the criticism of an educator

Arriving home to find

a delivered package

~Waiting for shoes.

Love,

Digress.

college is a cover-up for life's lessons

Car rides create thinking time, and so I list things. College life is great life, but real life is hard life. College life has taught me that
all kids have different learning styles and
there is a difference between gender and sex.
but real life, that pain in the (w)hole of my heart, that laughing crying dying never ending story has taught me that
crying doesn't always require tears. and sometimes hurting is the healthiest emotion i can allow myself to have.
physical pain is difficult to overcome but an aching, tortured heart and soul is much worse to endure.
when i love somebody, their pain is my pain.
the unbelievable things that only happen to other people....can and do and will happen to me. and those i love.
it is possible to be honestly happy while in the midst of a genuinely sad and difficult time.
the worst lies i ever tell are to myself.
it is okay to take care of myself. first.
there are people whom i love and who love me in return, but who bring out the worst in me, taking all i have to give and never giving anything in return. these people are the hardest to walk away from.
visiting somebody i love in jail hurts my heart.
sometimes i get chances to willingly walk away from situations that are hurting me. when i choose not to, God steps in and forces those situations out of my life. thankfully.
rediscovering my faith happened the moment i thought i had lost it.
good friends are truly gifts and i am lucky to have them as my foundation. they can be found anywhere.
losing friendships is painful. and inevitable.
being bitter and angry requires more energy than forgiving and moving forward.
being mediocre at something is one of the scariest and most painful feelings. i will never be mediocre if i can help it.
wanting to change is a strong force, but it is a worthless desire without knowing where to start.
breaks from life are necessary and critical. reading is priceless.
the best rewards are never monetary.
love is a thing to be given without bias and without limit.
i want to give all of myself; this is the only acceptable way to live. if i save some for a "later" that never comes i don't want to wonder what could have been.

Nyquil no longer has the same effect, more often than not it's just a momentary set back

You bring in this insanity,

reigning through my semiconscious thoughts.

Breaking down the memories that find their way into my restless dreams.

Stolen away are my haunted nights

and you've replaced them with vivid images of the grey in your eye,

watching as i struggle to understand why your intentions were as bad as you promised they would be.

It infects me.

To the point where lying awake at night without you on the tip of my brain is more painful than thinking of your forehead, and the "what never ever could have been's."

You were the stable disappointment in my sober conscious,

telling me that no matter the day, it would be no better or worse than this dreary, half happy habit we had agreed to call my life.

It's not that I'm sad you are gone from my life,

my dreams just miss their usual demon, and the direction in which it moved me

Icicles drip drip drip as my ice cold heart thaws
right atrium left atrium, ventricles...maybe this is possible
waterfalls from tear ducts
melodies from deep within escape and gallivant across the wind wings
fingertips tiptoe through tactless takedowns
a false prophet i lead my people to a place i don't know
once...once upon a time...what is happily ever after?
teacher teacher please tell me what means hapilee evur ahf tur?
big green eyes freckle nose missing tooth asking
teacher teacher teeeeeaaaaacher!
so many questions lack an answer

Numb

You don't care
It's a passing smile,
a "how was your weekend?"
Desperate thoughts run through an apathetic mind
Cold calculations render emotions and desires useless
Relive me of this mind
Take away my pathetic numbness
And let me feel again.
Here I lay beaten again
Beat down but I can't be out
She's out of my grasp but still within reach.
I won't give this up again.
I can't give this up again.
Please, please help me
God I'm tired but this will take at least one more push.
So here I go, and apathetic push
Toward something I thought I didn't care
But a small taste has given me courage.
Please God let this courage last,
I feel myself going numb again.

A Selection of Devo Lyrics

I've got an uncontrollable urge

something 'bout the way you taste

ain't it true that there's just no doubt

that she's just the girl

I've got a thing for you.

I know what you do 'cause I do it too

he was really mixed up

remember to take time out for fun

some things never change

the reason that I live like this is all because of you.

We're through being cool

twist away those gates of steel

in Mr. B's ballroom

I can't sleep til my baby says it's over

now he's a happy guy.

A sweet romantic place

Who are you and who am I

I'm agitated

and I-I owe-owe you absolutely nothing

use your freedom of choice.

~Swang Swam, down with the ship.

Love,

Digress.

I Want To Be

The dragon tattoo that

wraps up and around your

body,

jets up your

thighs,

chicanes at your

hip,

and crawls diagonally up your

back.

I want to be those claws.

I want to dig into your

skin.

The only pair of shoes you

own

that you

never wear because bare is better;

sitting in your

closet;

waiting for you

to slip me on and tie me up.

I want to be that canvas.

I want to keep those feet warm.

The shelf with all your

books,

novelty items, and pictures of you

too;

empty during your

lonely times;

full during your

good times.

I want to be that wood.

I want to see your

good and bad times.

~Longevity.

Love,

Digress.

I Am Jaded

I can recall the feeling.

It was like an eight month

hang over.

There is little I can

do so

I salute you.

I only wish to do well

by honouring you.

Until then,

I shall turn

away from your grave

with a scrambled heart.

Love,

Digress.

Tomorrow looms

Is it so wrong to feel nothing? I feel no butterflies when we kiss(ed) and I don't want more hugs and I don't giggle-like-a-4th-grade-girl-with-her-first-crush. You crush(ed) me. But only partly, only a little more than I already was crushed by life-takers and 6 tattoos and brown eyes gone grey. I say 6 years, change for me. Become that perfection that can rescue me and fix this sh** and pull at the corners of my mouth until I smile I have to smile. Misery is always a delayed reaction. The journey goes as follows: shock (always first), laughter (because that makes it not real), (attempted) repair, ineedtotakecareofmyself, letgo giveup i'msorrybutican't. happiness? denial, bitter because i was so stupid to let you drag me down, imissyou he can't fill your void. misery. And there are two "you"s which is not the same as having only one. One from a history book. One, the other, an aching scorched tearing ripping agonizing.....void. A goneness that only YOU could leave. So I feel nothing. No bluebirds singing no homecooked dinners no butterflies. And I'll learn not to give in to the nighttime with its sadness and hurtyoulikeyouneverhurtbefore seductions. And what I want to know is when and how does healing start? Is it a self-starter or is it a choice one makes? I make?And tell me one last final thing, I want you to answer me this: did you ever deserve me?