Complicated Simplicity

Tonight, I was vulnerable.
I let loose and cried.
Hours and hours had gone by and still
the tears just kept trickling down my swollen, red cheeks.
Drained physically, mentally, and emotionally,
my body was tired and weak.
Shaking uncontrollably, blinded by my tears,
I was quickly losing control,
and started becoming more upset.
Spilling out my heart,
though there were things I wish I hadn’t said.
Telling my best kept secret
of how life was at home,
saying that it’s no longer the same,
and that I’m practically on my own.
My welcome is over-stayed;
it’s clearer now than ever before,
The fights,
the screaming,
the yelling,
and “I hate you’s”
now happening more and more.
Always ending the same,
with me crying,
leaned up against the wall,
the tears, full of pain, begin to grow heavy
and down to my knees I fall.
Banging my fist on the floor as hard as I can,
I need answers now more than ever.
I need answers to everything,
especially why, from my family, I am being severed.
How can they not see
how their words are affecting me?
Do they have any idea that I cry a lot,
mostly now because of them?
Crying myself to sleep at night,
for I know the clear message that’s been given.
The message has been sent,
so congrats,
you succeeded,
you made it clear as daylight
that I’m no longer needed.
Through my tears and my sobs
I hear everyone telling me to simply just ignore,
but its complicated simplicity,
because, you see,
my heart has already been torn.
Promises were broken,
promises that meant so much to me.
Promises are better left unsaid,
because there’s no room for disappointment,
no room for “broken” to ever be.
Time moves on,
and it grows into the late night,
still the tears are cascading,
as I sit in this room with one light.
Tears staining this paper on which I’m writing,
it seems to be my only control,
my only way of fighting.
Tonight I was exposed,
my feelings were clearly expressed,
and I thought that by doing so,
the number of tears I cried would be less.
They have only increased,
and stopping them – I am not capable…
Tonight, I was.........
I am.............vulnerable.