between memories and moving on

I think about you everyday. I hear your voice when I go to certin places. Sometimes I think I see you in a crowed. The day you died, realized I couldn't live with out you. I felt guilty because I never knew you were unhappy. Baby you had so much to live for. I remember getting mad at you because you got into the school of your dreams. I was scared I would never see you again. I knew I was being selfish. It's not fair you died too young. I vist you often, on our anniversy, christmas, your birthday, my birthday, the day we first met. I walk up that hill, for some reason I see you waiting for me. I kneel on the tall grass and run my fingers over your name. I talk to you, only telling you I need you and I miss you. I am caught between a memory and moving on. I wish it were me insted of you. It's been almost three years. It begins to rain. I am selfish and run to my car, not kissing you good-bye, or telling you I love you. I miss you more and more as each day passes. I never wanted to expierence like with out you. The one who taught me how to drive a stick, whistle, how to blow bubbles with my gum. Jeff baby I miss you more then life. Yet I cant bring myself to forgive you. For leaving me here-alone. I wish I could take it back-never meeting you, my heart wouldn't feel this pain. I saw your mom yesterday, she thinks about you too. She only dreams of how it was supposed to be. Your dad doesn't talk much. Then again he never really did. Like father-like son.