When your nothing to everyone...

tear drops fall on my economics homework
too much on my mind
wanting to push the stop button on my life...
then push rewind
I never would have liked him
I never would have gone
I never would have known "THEM"
I NEVER WOULD HAVE GONE!
I wouldn't have had to leave my friends or my school
I still would have my job
I never would have known their unwritten rule
That life would still be going
I'd be on my old side of the fence
My Illinois life I've known for so long, wouldn't be a past tense
They don't want me here anymore
they think it's time to go
the fact that they know how many days I have left
is a huge blow
Forced to pick sides
draw a white line through my loyalties
It's obvious where I am going to go
which tide I'm going to ride
the family I've had for 18 years
over the one I've known for five
feeling the inflamation in my heart
and the water in my eyes
Praying that before anyone comes down the stairs
it subsides and dries
If I didn't have my notebook
or I didn't take that class
Basically if writing wasn't my "buzz"
I'd be the quiet, self destructive person
that I once was.